I'm in a rehab right now and I can't stop noticing everywhere where I used to sleep in my car and use. The motels I would spend days alone. The liqour stores I'd buy vodka multiple times a day shaking while i type my pin The sex shop where'd I'd buy viagra based sex pills for my meth.

Going to meetings where just across the street I can see myself doing meth and drinking just a month ago homeless and starving. Going to stores where I'd steal food. Mainly tuna lunch meal things and first aid items for my ailing bodie. Clothes from Walmart and target mainly boxers and socks, because I'd go months without being able to wash clothes. The gym where I used to sleep in it's parking lot and scatter like a cock roach when 5am hit and the healthy people would come and workout. Then come late before closing I'd come and act naturally as possible.

I'm typing this from the gym right now,in the same stall id come and use the bathroom.then shower with my remaining membership and that same Walmart where I'd spend weeks in it's parking lot and steal is right across the street just mocking me with it's beautiful large parking lot where i could hide from my shame . I'm typing this from that bathroom stall because I feel overwhelmed, but I feel safe in this stall.

To top it off my mom is in a program where I'll see her at meetings..she has like 2 days more sober. It's a huge source of shame because she is in same dire situation as me but is 68 with not anything only social security of 800 a month. I sold my car in my addiction.