Well, I'm a single dad, so every other weekend I'm busy, unless we end up staying together long term, in which case you can play second banana to my daughter once in a while. I'm a nerd, which means I think I'm smarter than you, but I will do my best not to be condescending. I'm usually pretty good about that. Most of my family and friends have moved away, or are busy with their own families, so I spend a lot of time alone. Which means, despite sincerely trying not to, I'll be depending on you for more emotional support than anyone else, and if you withdraw, or get sick of me, it will be devastating.

I'm still hurting from the loss of my last girlfriend, who was emotionally unavailable and avoidant, which threw me into tailspins, but I still pray she'll come back. Don't worry, she won't. But … she was extraordinarily beautiful, and we were sexually compatible in a way that's almost impossible to match, much less top. I will almost certainly be comparing you unfavorably with her, even though it would be almost impossible for you to be more emotionally checked out. I will really value our emotional connection though, and at this point my standards are so low that it's a very low bar to clear. As long as you're not actively neglectful, I'll probably think you're a saint. It's just that I want to fuck the devil, and she and I aren't talking anymore.

If you're actually, truly emotionally present, and have an open heart and the capacity to form a lasting and intimate bond at an appropriate pace, and neither one of us is needy and counting on the other for emotional regulation … I will probably distrust that, because it never makes sense when someone loves me for who I am. If I'm not helpful in some way, or if you're not playing hot/cold games with me, why on earth would you love me?

But, I am loyal, and I'm genuine, and I'm generous and really am at my happiest when the people I love are happy and well taken care of. You'll never lack for chicken noodle soup when you're sick. Making plans, bullet lists, and making reservations ahead of time are part of my love languages, and if/when I let my guard down around you, I am actually pretty dang funny. I'm also financially secure and (mostly) responsible. I'm smart, curious about the world, dedicated to making it better, and knowledgeable about a lot of things. I will be your number one cheerleader, and revel in your successes nearly as much as you do. And I'm really good at sex. I'm deeply passionate playful and uninhibited. Because I don't usually "finish" myself, I will be largely focused on your pleasure, and the louder and harder you cum, the happier I'll be. I'm always ready to go, and down to try damn well anything. Plus we can go to Disneyland any time we want, for free.

I do want to find my Forever Person, and when I do, I won't be afraid of commitment. It's just that I'm a lot. And a little needy sometimes. But I love in bold vibrant colors, and I love in permanent ink. Once you're in, you're in for good. I go all in for big romantic gestures, and I absolutely melt when you do anything thoughtful, sweet or flirty for me. You'll get flowers. I'll write poems but never share them because they're bad. I give thoughtful, generous gifts that I carefully select just for you. And I'll hit the mark, because I am always listening, and retain a lot of it. I communicate well, and will hold space for you when you're upset about something, acknowledge your feelings, and set about solving the problem together, including when it means me taking accountability for something I got wrong. Which will happen, but I'm quick to admit fault, quick to apologize, and quick to forgive when you get something wrong. I may always put my daughter first, but you'll be impressed and touched by how close, loving and supportive our relationship is. And she is a great kid, bright, funny, creative and with a heart of gold.

I'm not saying I don't come with a lot of drawbacks, I obviously do. But … the view is worth the climb, for the right smart, sexy, funny and kind woman. Preferably kinky as hell. I'll swoon if you like nerd stuff. I don't care how old you are, but if you're a night owl, or you smoke, or drink or use drugs heavily, I'm not your best match.