Round 1 didn’t yield what I was looking for, so trying again! So, this is a bit of an off the wall searching post, and this is probably not a great place to post it. But what the hell, figured I'd give it a shot anyways.

So, I have a history of being assaulted/raped non-violently. I have a fawn trauma response where I will just comply with what someone wants til I feel like I can get to safety if I feel threatened (and I don’t communicate that I feel threatened out of fear of bodily harm). I've done a LOT of therapy work to address this, and have come a long way, but I'm to the point in my work where I can't grow by myself anymore. I need to get back out there, I need to learn how to do physical intimacy again.

To be clear, I’m not concerned about how I will react to sex. It is the physical intimacy in the lead up that currently stresses me out. Once I’m certain of what I want with someone and know they will be respectful of my boundaries, I’m good. The process of learning that is where it’s messy for me.

I share this because, should anyone want to proceed with this, a potential partner needs to understand that there may be emotional stuff that comes up for me that may need some empathic navigation, I might freak out a little bit, I will certainly be reserved and hesitant, and I need someone who cares and understands this is a process of working through past shitty experiences for me and is comfortable repeatedly seeking consent, reminding me no is an acceptable answer, taking things slow (including sex, should we get there), etc.

I really just need to experience safe and considerate vanilla intimacy that is more centered on my needs than yours. It's been about a year and a half since my last sexual experience, which was an assault. I am DDF and request the same, with proof. I don't dally with men who are involved with others, so please be expressly single and for my safety, I prefer that you aren't juggling multiple sexual partners and I do not do the poly/ENM thing. I am a plus sized woman (but don't assume that means I'm physically inactive or unhealthy... you'd be very wrong), so acceptance of my body type is a must.

I’m seeking someone around late 20s to late 40s that is sexually experienced, emotionally intelligent and confident in who they are. I have to be selfish in this regard as I cannot help someone figure out their own intimacy issues while I am face to face with triggers, and I need someone secure enough in themselves to realize that if I need to work through a trigger, it’s not about them. This does require emotional support and genuine care from a partner, and while I feel it’s a lot to ask someone to deal with, I’m also confident that I’m worth the trouble. If you aren’t interested in any emotional involvement, please keep looking. Please be local to the San Diego area.

If interested, please send me a well thought out message with your perspective on this and anything you'd like to share. I will respond to all kind, considerate messages; I will not respond to "hey, still looking?" Thank you :)