After a couple of wonderful years highlighted by my wife of 22 years cheating on me and then my 15 year old cat dying, I resolved to get laid this year. Or at least get a blowjob. Or a handjob. Whatever. But here we are with just a few days left in the year, and I'm still jerking off alone.

In part that's because, let's be honest, I'm not most women's fantasy. I'm an older white man, average height, bald on top, a bit of a geek, somewhere between chubby and fat depending on your definitions, can't host, and I don't have either a horse cock or fat sacks of cash. On the other hand I'm not ugly, socially inept, sexually inexperienced, morbidly obese, or packing a toothpick. I'm clean, sane, tested disease free, a non-smoker, no drugs, and I have what I've been told are rather nice hazel eyes. Plus I'm clearly possessed of a sparkling wit and great humility. I'd put a winking emoji here but I'm so old that my emoji are still made of text characters and I don't want to get laughed off of reddit.

All I'm looking for is a woman who's enthusiastic about sexy fun time and possibly interested in a man like myself. Attraction is a factor but I don't much care about your age, race, or body type. Seriously, I'm old enough and fortunate enough to have been with a variety of women in my life and have learned that attitude and imagination really are more important than most physical traits.

Okay, I lied. That's not all I'm looking for. I also need you to be biologically female, clean, free of STI/STD/VD or whatever they've changed the term to now, not a pro/escort/sex worker or whatever label is preferred these days, and if you use drugs please don't be one of those people whose whole life and personality revolve around that. Extra points if you're submissive or have fantasies along those lines because I've been having more dom fantasies as the years have passed, but that's not required. I've enjoyed regular, mutually-pleasurable sex without any particular kinks or fetishes up until now, and I'd be perfectly happy with it again. I'm also open to joining a couple. I had that opportunity a few times when I was younger and can say from experience that while I'm straight and not looking for direct man to man play, I'm also not concerned about incidental contact.

Now if you're still reading after all that, I'd love to hear from you. Please tell me a little bit about yourself and what you're looking for. I've posted here before and know the kind of one line, or even one word, replies that come from accounts with suspiciously generic, bot-like names. So please say something real, and if you've got one of those names maybe tell me what it's supposed to mean. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you.

M4F M4MF M4FF