Last Christmas we gave you our loads but the very day you gave it away, this year to save us from tears we’ll give it to someone special. Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animals! Hope you all been bad to the bone which makes our search more easy. Don’t worry, we won’t give you ladies and coal, we got something more thick and creamy in texture.

We are two bad elves, like we give gifts to the misbehaved adults and write all over the bathroom walls in Santa’s shop. We are like a million years old but if you want to go by human years, we are both 35 years old. We got no cooties, so DDF all the way. We are pretty much open to 420 and drinking but no hard parting cause we gotta help drive the sled when Santa gets wasted. We are both different sizes think Danny Devito and Will Farrel doing a movie together, we stand at 5’5 and 6’1. And of course we like to eat the Xmas cookies that the naughty wives leave out oh and then we like the real cookies, so don’t except no 6 pack here unless you mean beers.

You are! Hopefully someone who misbehaved and ended up on the naughty list! Like you paid the meter for the expired cars to piss off the meter maid or you spiked the company party bowl of punch to see the chaos. You are ages 18-56, drug and disease free but if you 420 friendly and drink, that’s cool with us. We are pretty open to race and ethnicities and most body types are welcome. And if you doing this whole Mr.Clause is out, we can keep a secret.

Obviously safety is first. So we tend to meet up in a hotel room, since it’s a neutral location for all parties. We also like to voice verify over phone or apps, before we exchange pics. We are also comfortable with meeting up in public for a drink or just to converse before we head to the North Pole for some adult fun. Note that it may take a bit for this to happen or it can happen within a few hours, we are all adults and have our own thing going on.

So happy holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, kwanzaa, or whatever special day you observe. Hope you all stay safe, watch after yourself or anyone you care about. And remember not to get into any fights while trying to get the DildoBlaster3000. Merry Sexmas you Filthy perverts and a Happy Nude Year.