I was dating this girl who I loved a lot, we had a break up and I was about to leave but I feel sick to a chronic neurological disorder and had to be on bedrest for the next 2 months. At this time she paid the rent, cooked me meals and took care of me and I told her that I'll leave as soon as I can. She said I can stay, she said we haven't broke up. I said I can't live with her because of how insensitive she is to me. She urged me to stay so I told her not to get int*mate with others if she wants to stay with me, this triggered something in her, she got furious about this part. Her past had been a series of controlling boyfriends. I never "controlled" her, I never hurt her.

All I asked in return was not to hurt me. But then for whatever reason she was triggered. She would say "I love you" to me every night after giving me dinner to the bed. And then go out some nights on dates or in clubs. She started sharing how her boss is hitting on her to make me jealous, or talking about her dates. I told her I'm not interested in this. She said she'll share everything because we were "dating".

I just wanted to get out of there, soon her dates started to drop her off at home, I started becoming s*icidal at this point. I told her to stop doing whatever she was doing before I leave, she could do all this after I leave, she got more triggered by my threats of leaving. I should've just kept quiet, until I could walk properly.

One day her boss who's like 45 and married 🤢 came in the living room and she started sleping with him there while I was on bedrest in my bedroom. She wasn't trying to hide this and would keep the door open on purpose, I had to tell her with jaw pain to close the door. She started bringing in her random dates and friends, she would fck them in the living room while I was on meds passed out in the bedroom, I would wake up to the sounds of it some nights. One time she came to help me walk, after our trial walking session, I asked her why she's doing this, she said I never went hard on her like other guys did and it fuelled my insecurity too much, she said that she loves me a lot but she loves them in the bed more than me, I had a panic attack right there. I cried a lot in front of her. But she still brought someone home that night and was extra loud on purpose I could tell.

With the meds I would pass out and because of her moaning I would get nightmares. I still sometimes have audio hallucinations. I had gotten turned on a couple of times when she was getting it on there with random strangers specially with her boss, then I would feel guilt and cry. I watched similar porn and got turned on, I watched this type of stuff even tho it was hurting me. I lost my mind. I'm still watching this kind of stuff and I don't know why, I don't know if she frcefully induced a kink in me or is this my fault. When I almost recovered from the injuries, I noticed one day I felt my pnis going completely numb. I got psychogenic erectile dysfunction and premature ej*culation disorder from her actions, later when I got diagnosed.

She did this to me. What did I do wrong? I feel guilty but at the same time I get wet everytime I think about cuckold. Should I just accept this kink?