When I first joined Tinder, I expected it to be quicker than bar dating but still with the same rules and time constraints. What actually happened was I signed up at about 8pm one night a bit bored and by 11pm the same night I was waiting for someone to knock on my door.

It was a little nerve-wracking but I was too horny to properly care. He arrived and after a few hellos, he made a ballsy move. I asked if he wanted a drink, he replied ‘no, I want a blowjob’. I’m a courteous hostess so I took him to the bedroom and gave him a wet, sloppy blowjob. He came, I swallowed then he returned the favour.

By the time I came twice, he was hard again so he slipped straight in (I was too high on orgasm to mention a condom). Missionary, doggy, cowgirl then back to doggy until he pulled out and came on my back.

We never met again, but I have never deleted Tinder!