Hello everybody! As you may know, or may learn by checking my previous posts, I recently developped a wee bit of a crush on a woman called MC.

I've had to make a few changes to accomodate those very intrusive thoughts. Thankfully some are positive, regardless of what motivates them. I'm going back to the gym, I bought cute undies, I take better care of myself.

Nevertheless, some have less positive externalities. For instance I know lock my office's door most of the time and my productivity has been somewhat impacted.

To try and reign it in, I have given myself some rules: not at the office, and everytime I think about her in a naughty way, I should try and make the conscious effort to divert my thoughts to something more appropriate.

As you may I've guessed, it's not really working. But I thought it did for a hot minute.

Monday, something like 11am. I've been incredibly productive. I feel really good about this stern self talk I gave myself. This is working. I can make it work. I just have to channel it, not allow it to control me.

In fact, I'm so good at this I should try to see her again. It's okay, I manage so well. How could I do this? Maybe suggest to invite her again? Pretend she forgot something and reach out to give it back? Just send her a message and say I fumbled and it was meant for someone else?

Stop kidding yourself. Let's go get lunch. Damn it will not stop raining nowadays. Let's go for a salad still.

I guess I should pretend I need to give her something back, that way I could maybe go to her place. I'd love to see how it is. It's not like I haven't pictured it a lot already.

Oh fuck. How is the queue so long already?! I left the office so early. Guess everyone had the same idea, with the rain and all. Oh well, I'm not doing this.

Pretending to give her something back is definitely the best. I could just ring her door wearing that cute set I got for her and my trench. If she asks me to come in and takes it... well it's meant to be then, right?

I could even write her name on me... Fuck this is getting out of hand again. I should just send her flowers with a little note.

Wait. This is not the office.

"That'll be 70 euros, please".

What.

"Do you want it wrapped?"

Do I? "Uuuhhh... No thanks".

"Okay, here's your bag!"

Click. The door's locked. I rush to take my clothes off. I'm dripping wet. Get on my knees. No, not here, in the chair so I can see myself in the mirror. Fuck. You're insane.

Pull my hair aside.

Strap goes in. I pull tight. Buckling. What the fuck am I doing.