My ex girlfriend used to claim she would never cheat. She would always say “I’m not that kind of girl” to many different devious acts after we broke up. We would still hook up but she would make it clear it was a one time thing, and then she drew a hard line. Even stopped talking. For over a year. She had a boyfriend when we randomly said hi one day via text. She was wishing me a happy birthday. The talks always yielded a similar outcome in the past - innocent how are you, blah blah, would lead to her saying something flirtatious. But this time, she tried to keep the talk innocent. I had different feelings about it. I’d reminisce our sexual past with her and at first she’d shoot me down. Til one day she admitted she still thinks about it. Over the coarse of the next week she started giving in more and more and really fantasizing about it. She’d give me specific details about how she would bend over, or how she liked how I’d tease her, or smacking her ass while her panties were down. This turned into her shutting down for two whole days until one day she gave in and said “fuck me”. I drive 45 minutes down the road to her house stroking myself the whole way there. We fucked that night until neither one of us could move anymore. Again and again. My favorite part was when we laid on the floor with our genitals in each other’s face - she smiled as I picked up my shaft and playfully put it across her cheek. She was so damn wet the whole night and she didn’t even care that I knew she was with someone else.

And that kind of brought me to the point where I love that threshold. And for a while I started to become addicted to overcoming it. I wanted to break through that guilty plain, watch how satisfied the other person was knowing I did. Again and again and again. Now I still fantasize about it.