We’re poly/swingers lol

My bf and I are both married to other people. I am much more sexual than his wife and he’s never been with anyone like me before. Soon after we started hooking up, I told him I enjoy free use and that he has blanket consent with me to do whatever he wants.

At first he seemed to really enjoy it. But over time he’s pulled away and started acting weird about sex. I felt like maybe he didn’t want me anymore and asked what was up.

Eventually he came clean that he struggles going back and forth between us. With me, he can say whatever perverted nasty thing comes to mind and I not only welcome it, I enjoy it. He can’t be that way with her. She enjoys sex and has become more slutty over time, but she’s much more vanilla and likes things a certain way. She is offended more easily and does not want him to make everything about sex.

Apparently after he’s been with me, he tends to be more aggressive with her in bed and it has caused some issues. He is trying to figure out how to balance us both but says it’s been difficult. I am struggling with it all and miss how he used to be, but want to be understanding and patient while we figure it out.