Hi let me start off by saying at a young age my mom taught me that cooking, be fit, wearing a little makeup, and wearing lingerie will help you keep your man. I honestly think this was the start of developing a submissive personality when it comes to relationships.

Why do I say this?

I have had 3 “serious” relationships from the age of 18. Two (2) I would say I thought would end in marriage and one (1) was a complete physical relationship and I was trying to just to feel something since my first breakup was so awful and never thought it would happen. In the one relationship I thought was true love & the physical relationship, I was shared. Some would say in a manner of free use in both of these relationships. I was often times put in dangerous situations (not against my will, just in hindsight). To be fair at the time I did feel safe. I wanted to please them so badly and I have a hard time saying no. I also always rationalized as maybe it’s a phase and it will past. During these times though I did have so much fun.

I was fully convinced they loved me so much and I was so wonderful they had to share. Even in the “physical relationship” it was some kind of love I told myself. I wanted desperately to please them, to continue towards marriage potentially.

Major events w/ the true love ex:

1. Halloween 2019 - essentially before covid he had me suck a random Uber driver
2. His 3 closest friends pretty much used me instead of jacking off (in my current perspective)

Major events w/ my in physical relationship:

1. Doing sexual favors for bets
2. Pretty much a free use throat for a lot of different people.

Still to this day though I miss my true love ex.