The Last few months have been hard. My partner left me after a year of long-distance. We met in Tucson, but I had to move back to the LA area.

She ghosted me and then called me out of the blue to tell me things are over.

A dear and close friend has been regularly calling me from Arizona to make sure I’m ok. I’ve gotten drunk and hit on her before. She was a mutual friend of my partner and I. When I was down on my luck, she helped me on my feet and made sure I was eating. Now we just call and text. I occasionally take lovely pictures of the sky and trees and send those over to her along with poetry about love.

She’s bisexual and into girls (same with my-ex, I guess I have a type). She’s smaller than me, but she has firm tits and abs, which I like. She was a high school athlete and swimmer and you can tell. She also has a nice and plump ass.

She’s also one of those artsy, hippie, sjw types and dresses like one. Maybe it’s all those goth and artistic Girls my generation saw on tv that gets me excited about girls like that, but I do know her political and social activism gets me excited because I like a girl who has strong beliefs about Justice. It’s nice to see someone who cares enough to want a better world. It also deeply arouses me tk then imagine how much of that passion she’d bring to bed and how dominant she’d be or how she’d submit to me. It makes me hard to think of her fighting against the system only to submit to me and to have her cry out for me.

We’d often spend hours just playing card games or eating brunch and prepping picnics together.

My libido (which was already confused due to the long distance thing) needs help and I want to both the emotional and physical connection a sexual relationship brings.

I couldn’t get anyone to sleep with me now that I’m home. I’m too shy in-person and the dating apps aren’t the best for me.

But I’m having dreams of fucking my buddy against the wall or waking up to her in my arms and bed. The fact that she’s attractive and a friend makes things even more tempting. She’s someone who already cares for me.

I have dreams and fantasies of her grabbing me and kissing me before taking me to bed where she’d ride me after lifting up her skirt. I’d also finally be able to see and hold her boobs for the first time.

I want the physical satisfaction of sex and the emotional satisfaction of feeling safe and content in someone’s arms and cuddled.

But I also have fantasies of screwing a girl while having her eat my friend out and then switching positions. Me and my ex would always joke about doing a threesome (apparently she’d planed one for us at one point). While my friend and I would talk about girls we’d fantasize about and who we had crushes on like we were in a junior high locker room.

I guess I going to go back to bed now, alone, unsatisfied, and sad…