Not just one of them, I miss so many of my ex relationships that ended for a whole variety of reasons. Some were self destructive on my part. Now I’m married to someone who I fell in love with in a whirlwind thing, because I tried to convince myself that I loved her the same way I did some of my exes. But I think it wasn’t ever really right. Now she’s not happy and I’m not happy, and I still talk to some of my exes because we’re genuinely friends, and I don’t tell them this, but I desperately miss having the connection we did. Some were open relationships too, and I kinda miss that. I changed so many things about how I show up in the world to accommodate my wife’s jealousy. And I thought that wouldn’t be an issue which was dumb. Her insecurities have absolutely thrown a huge wrench in how we relate to each other, and I dont feel like I can be myself without making her upset because I’m being too friendly to someone she doesn’t like, or she says “you just want to be friends with everyone, and I just want everyone to leave me alone.” We’ve tried to work stuff out, but it’s feeling more and more helpless all the time, and I so badly miss the feeling of being liked. I know my wife loves me, but it doesn’t feel like she likes me most of the time.