This year, I (F45) cheated for the first time. He was younger (M19), an intern. It went on for several months. I've shared details of it here before but can always chat more.

Anyways! It ended a few weeks ago. But since then, I can't stop my mind. When I'm out and I see a guy around that age...I stare. I find myself imagining what he might be like, how dominant he might be, how big, how it would feel. Wondering if he notices me, if he would be interested.

As an example - yesterday, I was running some errands. One thing I had to do was just pick up some envelopes so I stopped into this little office supply store. It was super empty inside and I noticed right away that the check out clerk looked a bit like Ryan. Probably 19/20, clearly in shape, dark hair...my type now, I guess. I guess I was feeling ...bold? Desperate? I don't know. But after I found the envelopes I wanted, I paused behind the shelf. I undid two more buttons of my blouse. Far past the 'fashion choice' point. And then I went to pay.

I could feel his eyes on me. I don't usually wear a bra, I rarely need one, and I was excited. So it was pretty clear. I leaned forward a little at one point and I could feel his eyes looking down my top. It felt so incredible and so wrong. I paid and I think my face was bright red - I know his was, too. Through it all, he never said a word. I got back to my car and immediately had to use my fingers on myself.

I know it's wrong. I'm married, I have a kid...and I can't help it. Running errands has become a minefield of temptation. Husband doesn't have a clue about it all, thank god. So I'm on here to confess and maybe chat more about it, I guess.