When I learned something out of my last relationship then that I hate being stucked to something. Having a routine instead of being flexible and variable. The longer the relationship was, the more bored I was from our sex life. I wasn‘t really in the mood for it even though I knew I needed it. I think this is also the main reason why it came to an end.

After the breakup, I just felt free and needed to distract myself. And so I started dating again, shortly after the breakup. Clear in mind that now I wanted something different. Not that boring ex. And I found what I needed. I didn’t even know what exactly I meant with that. But I was shown what I meant and needed.

I dated this one guy with whom even the texting before made me quite aroused. His dominance, I the self confidence he had, his way of writing and his way to make me fantasizing. His words, his attitude. And I think also the photos he had of himself. He was a really attractive man.

But what I didn’t know during the texting: He was huge. And you know what I mean…

He was by far the biggest I had to this point and even if it hurt, I f**king loved it. It was exactly what I needed to feel after the relationship. Feeling the pain and the pleasure coming from it, showing me what sex really can make with me. How good sex changes the mood. And how extremely good sex is comparable to a minimum one week all inclusive holiday on Bali or so. I felt like the luckiest person on the world for at least a week, until I started to miss this feeling. But I didn‘t want it to become a routine. Not again. I want it to be special and to keep it special. And it is.

But now I‘m missing it again. And I want to be stretched. To be dominated. To feel the pain and to feel the pleasure. Again and again. I just need it.