I was born with ambiguous genitalia, it looked like a really small penis, and a small scrotum that opened into a very shallow vagina. I was raised male, but my parents were hippees and thought it was great to tell people about my condition. When I got to high school, I started having sex with guys because they said it wasn’t a big deal because I could relate, and it was just casual. I still don’t really know if I wanted to do it. Sometimes it was scary or hurt, but it wasn’t a real vagina, I couldn’t feel much inside and they couldn’t go in very deep so mostly to me it just felt kind of like pressure.

Now I am an adult. I had corrective surgery several years ago and moved away, so no one knows about my past. I am just a normal guy. I don’t have much of a sex drive, so haven’t had sex since the surgery. I’m a lot happier now. The problem is, I don’t really know how to have sex anymore. The guys I used to hook up with used to pretend I was a girl, they’d rub my chest like boobs, talk about getting me pregnant, put me in doggy position and jiggle my butt. It was embarrassing, but the only thing that turned me on. I don’t regret the surgery, but when I get horny, I wish I had a vagina. Since it’s kind of strange, it was really easy to hook up back then, usually guys who wanted a novelty or wanted to have casual sex with a girl would sort of just make it happen.

I’m in love with a guy, I don’t plan on doing anything, but sometimes I wonder if it would have felt different if he was inside my vagina. I’m not sure what it would be like to have sex with someone for real. I’ve done anal before, but the guy was still pretending I was a girl. I don’t even know if I can get aroused without pretending I’m a girl.