My ex and I were together for about ten years on and off. We were engaged but never married. For the last 4 or so years of our relationship her mental health took a turn for the surreal. Several psychotic breaks and institutionalizations, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, PTSD from a severe sexual assault that utterly broke her. We tried desperately to make it work but couldn’t. It was one of the most difficult times of my life… a true nightmare. But it was predicated by sexual highs I’ve never reached again.

I don’t have an insane body count. Just over thirty, most of which were after her or during breaks. And while there were absolute standouts and gorgeous women… none of them can compare to the sex I had with my ex when she was manic or skipping her meds. In hindsight now I look back and know that she was fully in psychosis or on the brink of a few times too.

Her pussy would get so wet it would soak through her jeans. It would get so hot it felt feverish. She would have orgasms that lasted for minutes upon minutes, squeezing and pulsing my dick the entire time while she convulsed. She had an IUD so we never wore condoms. She would let me fuck her face and just cum repeatedly from that and a light breeze on her clit. The moans and sounds she made… the way her legs would shake… I can’t even imagine what her brain was doing. So much of it stemmed from her trauma and a fucked up brain chemistry from a cocktail of meds. But I was treated to sex I can only have in my dreams now. Even though it’s terrible… I miss it.