I love him, but I don't always wanna be with him. He's home bc of the weather, and I'm disappointed. I wanted to spend the day looking at porn, reading comments, edging, and talking to the other man I want so desperately. The other day he came home early, and I was just getting started. I rushed to close everything so he wouldn't know. I hadn't even started today. If he finds out I'm turned on, he'll wanna have sex. But I don't want to. Having sex with him just isn't the same. I can't tell him. It would hurt his feelings, even tho he knows I need other things. The guilt doesn't keep me from spending days in bed without him, tho.