I've had a successful sex life and tried lots of different things. I'm now entering my 30s and my body is in as good a shape as its ever been. When I'm having sex I'm certainly as good as I've ever been in terms of stamina and technique. However, I've realised over the last year that my endless porn watching and womanising has led to some unintended impacts.

Whenever my sex life is going well, I don't seem to have any issues but throughout my life, I have suffered from bouts of depression. One of the ways I use to make myself feel better is to use masturbation as a crutch whilst I sort out my head. I think this has lead to me going down rabbit holes of certain porn topics such as raceplay and cuckolding and misogyny, things I feel embarrassed about when I come to my senses (not kink shaming anyone who likes those, just I personally feel embarassed).

I think this has had a profound impact on me. After my most recent bout, I had a couple of ONS. I found that I was lasting a long time and not getting near orgasm, and I didn't find it all that pleasurable. I started searching for stuff in my head to try and make me cum because I could see the girl was pretty much done. I scrolled through my porn memory banks and for some reason fixed upon some porn I had seen where an Asian girl was being fucked by a big white man in front of her Asian partner. I came instantly.

Over the next few days whenever I masturbated it was to porn with raceplay or cuckold elements as that was what turned me on.

During my next hookup, I asked the girl about her exes and she showed me a pic of one of them. Later on when we fucked, the only way I could keep going and then eventually cum was by imagining the pretty girl in front of me getting fucked by her ex. Despite actually being inside her and having her gorgeous arse bounce off my cock, the only thing keeping me going was imagining another man being inside her and me on the sidelines watching.

Now it seems my erections and orgasms only seem to happen when I feel humiliated in some shape or form, whether raceplay, cuckolding or even things like jerk-off instructions and femdom.

I feel like I needed to get that of my chest and confess about my experiences. I know I need therapy but I also think I need to explore these kinks further to see why I am drawn to them so much.