Edit: Trigger warning for hard drug use and drinking

We were high school sweethearts, living in our own bubble of naive love. I seriously thought I'd end up marrying him - that's how deep I was in. Right after high school, we moved in together. Both of us waiting tables, just two kids trying to make ends meet in a tough world.

But about 6 months into our lease, it all came crashing down one night. I was out with my girls, first time hitting the clubs. We were dancing, letting guys buy us drinks, just letting loose. Then, out of nowhere, one of them, looking all guilty, tells me she's heard rumors - my man's been cheating. I called him, tears streaming down my face, and he confessed. Said he wanted to make things right. My world just shattered right there.

During one of our arguments, he said he thought I wouldn't forgive him unless I cheated too. That got stuck in my head. Soon after, I started texting Jay, a good-looking mixed guy from work. He had a girl, but he'd always complain about what she wouldn't do for him. I found myself saying I'd do anything he asked, like I was proving something. He told me he wanted to "fuck my brains out", but we never got around to it. Still, the thought of cheating, it got planted in me.

It happened after a holiday party at the restaurant I was working at. My boss, a 26 year old known for being a jerk, had booked a hotel room for an after party and introduced me to coke. I'd never tried it before, but man, it made me feel something else. It was in that moment j learned I loved stimulants.

I hung out all night until I was the last one left alone with my boss, that's when things got crazy. He started touching me, kissing me deep while he was pulling my underwear down. While he was undoing my top, letting my big breasts free, I was sloppily undoing his belt and letting his pants fall to the floor. I was on a crazy high, feeling everything more intense.

He pushed me down on the bed. I looked up at him. His dick was hard, and honestly, it scared me a bit how forceful he was being, making my heart pound harder than it already was. He gets on top of me, and starts going at it. It was rough, I mean, really pounding. I felt him far inside me, way more than anyone before. It hurt but in a weird, good way. It's hard to explain.

Then he's like, "I want your ass." I froze for a sec, but he was already rubbing coke there, numbing me up. I was scared, but too high to say no. The pain was barely there, just a quick sharp sting, but then it got numb, and all I felt was him stretching my insides.

He held me down by my neck from behind, my ass straight up, with his leg propped like he's Captain Morgan. The anal was like nothing I ever did, or have felt since. I felt owned, completely at his mercy, lost in this mix of pain, pleasure, and the coke buzz.

Because of the alcohol and drugs, the sex seemed to last forever. He fucked me with my knees up to my chest, laying on our sides, and then again doggystyle with me doing the work pushing back on him.

When he finally blew his load inside my ass, it was like a damn volcano erupting. I felt his cock pulsing, shooting deep inside me. He let out this gutteral growl, like he was releasing all his wild energy. Gasping, I could feel his cum filling me up, a weird mix of satisfaction and shock at how much it felt like there was.

After he pulled his dick out, there was this loud, sloppy sound, like air rushing out of a tight space. He kept my ass cheeks spread, checking out his work. The sight of my gaped hole seemed to get him off even more. I felt a bit humiliated, being exposed like that after being used.

He then got real nasty, scooping the leaking load from my ass with his fingers. He took it and smeared it on my lower back, like he was marking his territory. I asked what he was doing.

"Writing my initials." He replied. Like he was peeing in the snow or something.

I cleaned up quick and called the front desk for a taxi home. Rushing out of his room, the post-sex clarity was real. I checked my phone and there was multiple mixed calls and texts from my boyfriend.

It was a bad idea calling back in that moment but I wasn't in my right mind. I called and confessed everything that happened. At the end of our call I realized I didn't apologize and frankly wasn't sorry.

Looking back, I see how messed up it all was. Did it bring closure? Hell no. It just started me down a path of many cheating, drunken one night stands in my 20s.