I grew up in a very very small area in Pakistan, with an exceptionally strict pair of parents. 3 months ago, I moved to Amsterdam to begin my 3-year courses at a school here. This is my first time away from home. My first time being out of earshot of one or both of my parents, and the first time I've been alone.

after arriving here I was terrified of everything that moved or looked at me. I'd never been in public without my hijab up to this point, but I slowly started to allow myself to be seen. Roommates, then a few friends at school.. then now? I haven't had it on for over a week! Almost 2 weeks I think?

This has been a wonderfully freeing experience, to say the least. I don't feel trapped, or scared of everything anymore. It's still weird being away from my parents/family, but I'm getting used to finding other things to do to keep my mind busy, and not thinking about how lonely it is here sometimes.

and then I talked my roomie into buying me a vibrator.

yeah.

So. I'd never even been alone in my home before. Let alone given enough privacy to explore those kinds of things. How I've got my own little private room here while I go to school, and I can do anything I want :) lol

When I get myself alone with this thing, my heart is racing. about to explode out of my chest. I was terrified I'd like.. get in trouble? After that passed, I locked my door and got myself a little pretty (why not?), and had some fun.

Sadly though, that first experience was frustrating as I hadn't bothered to even look at the controls/instructions before turning out the lights. Flustered and tired as is from a busy week, I ended up crashing without hitting any high notes. That next night though? Ho-Lee-Crap. I've waited 5 years to feel that. That was epic, mind-blowing, and earth-shattering all at the same time. Gotta say, I think I'm hooked. S*xy times with myself might have become my new favorite past time :P!

If you want to follow along with me, and see how this journey unfolds, I would be overjoyed to have your company.

=Zel