I was reading on the r/LesbianActually subreddit, and a girl was asking what made people realize they were lesbian. A lot of girls commented about how other women made them feel, how things just clicked, how amazing sex is with another woman. After reading through these comments, I’m confused now because it’s EXACTLY how I have been feeling about women ever since I first kissed one (and then had sex with that same night).

I have since then slept with another girl, and it felt just as…natural? Magical? Intensely present, instinctual, and simultaneously like an out of body experience? I love boobs, I love vaginas; I love boobs and vaginas in my face. And I love grabbing a girl’s ass as she pounds me with a strapon while my legs bend against me and drape over her shoulders. I’m addicted to eating pussy and making girls cum—primarily on my tongue.

That second girl I slept with: I made her squirt on the first try. I felt like such a natural, and also promptly realized I’m addicted to kissing girls—I get so lost in the feel of their bodies while our tongues dance. I never felt this way about kissing guys.

The problem? I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years. We currently live together. I know I love him, but I find myself thinking of the girls I slept with while we’re having sex. I fantasize about having a girlfriend, what it’d be like, and I just wish I could be single so I could put myself out there and pick up beautiful women.

I want to be able to hit it off publicly, go home with her, and lose track of time while we devour each other. I want to go on a date with a girl and get frisky. Get excited. Fuck in changing stalls or bathrooms.

This guilt is eating me up because marriage is in our future and I have no idea what to do. I wish I could marry him but also have a girlfriend, because as much as I’m in love with him, I can’t stop fantasizing about being with a girl. It’s almost as if we’ve been together for so long and have built a life together that it would basically suck to throw it all away.

Sometimes I just wish I could disappear to a different place to start a life as an out and proud lesbian, but everyone including our families are so invested in our relationship and I feel like a fraud. I’m fairly new to identifying as bisexual and he knows it, but now I think I may be (way, wayyy) more into women than I initially realized.

To sum it all up, I feel like a hypersexual lesbian nymphomaniac. I get off on sexting with girls here. I get off on meeting up with girls from here. My tongue legit craves swirling around a hard nipple, my pussy needs to be filled and fucked by a girl again.

I’m a switch who prefers to bottom, but sometimes I get the urge to mercilessly fuck a girl. I get off on anonymously and publicly confessing this. And I especially get off on strangers (ahem, WOMEN) seeing my nudes. Making them wet makes me wet; making guys hard does nothing for me, so I guess this is my coming out post, even if it is anonymous.