(Note: some people are gonna get upset and down vote this but i LOVE my fellow sissy and want to help.)

It was the winter, and i wasn't getting any.

I was in the middle of covid winter, i was shut in and between partners and boy, was i horny. I spent entire days just getting stoned, dressing up, ruining my ass and watching hypno videos. There were fun days, sure, but there were also days that i yearned for a bit more connection. And finally at some point i cracked and decided to try a cam girl.

I'm pro sex worker but have very little experience in any realm of it… ive been dragged to a few strip clubs, ive certainly bought some porn just for the experience of doing so. But i hadn't much directly paid for someone's attention. Shit's expensive. But i made an account on a reputable site and was shocked to find a familiar face on there… no, not my best friend or step sister or some other porn setup. Just a girl i had been following on tumblr and instagram who was known for cam play, and it had never occurred to me i might someday interact with her directly. And she was surprisingly affordable!

I sent a message saying i like femdom, i was hoping to mostly hear her talk for a while. I told her i liked sissy stuff, cuck stuff, humiliation, and would really just get off on hearing her real thoughts and opinions. She said--and its really weird to hear someone talk back to you outloud when you're typing at them anonymously--that she loved talking scenes and would be happy to tell me real life stories and stuff like that. So she did.

And as soon as we were in private she said something that really surprised me for a femdom woman who did a lot of videos… "man, i really hate most sissies. Such little bitches."

She went on to explain that sissies are always so "me me me" and they always want to be the center of attention, its not at all gratifying for the girl. I was pleasantly surprised by her candor and it was a good chat, until i ran out of money and bailed.

You might be thinking what i was thinking; "yeah but she was a cam girl who you asked to be mean, she was probably just doing that." But curiosity got the better of me, the idea that my time as a sissy was just selfish and crummy was bothering me. so i struck up conversations with other domme women i know, past partners, and even took a swing at doing some online domination of sissies myself and, well…

Sissies can be little bitches.

So after that long winded intro, here are some thoughts on being a sissy and not a little bitch.

1. Good "bitch" vs. Bad "bitch"

Bitch comes up a lot in sissy stuff, we've all seen a million hypno videos that use that "wanna be your bitch tonight" song and certainly you'll see all kinds of stuff that tells you you're going to be an alpha's bitch and all that. And there is a good kind of bitch you do wanna be as a sissy. Generally this would best be described as the sort of "bottom of the sexual food chain," the person who never gives it to anyone and always seems to take it. Being someone's bitch means getting them off when they want, doing what they say, and sacrificing any inch of a domineering spirit in yourself to just cave and be their… well, bitch. Its hot! Its fun! Its dirty! And in the end its at least theoretically service oriented, and for the other person's pleasure. It's good.

The bad kind of bitch, or in this context, a "little bitch" is someone who only wants things their way. They might complain or be passive aggressive when things don't go the way they want, they might need things done very specifically, they put a lot of responsibility on their partner, and really bring very little to the table themselves. Like your friend who complains no matter where you go out to eat, like your boss who wants things done in a very specific way but doesnt want to take the time to show you what that is, sometimes a person is just a little bitch. It's bad.

2. Ok but why does this apply to sissies

Ive discussed this in some of my other writing but theres sort of an ongoing fallacy (phallusy?) in the mind of many sissies. In essence, because you WANT to be used and abused for someone else's sexual gratification, you ASSUME other people want to use you for their sexual gratification. A lot of sissies assume that just by putting on panties they can get a line of guys who want to fuck their ass, a line of dominatrixes who want to put you on their leash. This sadly conflicts with reality.

In real life, its a lot of...emotional work and uncertainty to dominate someone. Even just making someone suck your cock can be stressful for a guy. You worry if theyre enjoying sucking your cock, stressed about blowing too early or not blowing at all, maybe worried about your dick size or grooming habits. You might want your cock sucker to show you theyre having fun doing this by making positive noises or touching themself so you know they're happy. Most dudes arent the dominant alphas we project onto them, so they get anxious and need reassurance.

So a guy walking in and finding you stone silent and acting like a rag doll MIGHT think "oh boy, my personal sex toy, im going to use them so hard" but they're more likely to think "the fuck, are they not into this, are they unwell, am i doing something wrong, should i leave."

This is particularly difficult for women you might be playing with. They want to satisfy you and make you feel good and it can be upsetting to them when they find out you didnt like the experience and just were too shy to say anything the whole time. And they themselves want to be satisfied in a way that feels good to them--maybe they love fucking you with a strap on, but eventually they just need to be fucked themselves.

Also, domineering is physically exhausting! Setting up scenes, fucking, throwing you around, it's tiring.

Sissies don't all want the same thing or act the same way. Some want to be the sweet girlfriend who guys treat with affection, some want to be the filthy cum dump in the porn store basement. And its important you learn what you like and find a way to communicate that clearly to others, because you can't assume theyre on the same page.

1. How to not be a little bitch

There's nothing wrong with being submissive or being a sissy. But theres kind of something wrong with being lazy, selfish, or inattentive. So without further ado, here's how not to be a little bitch and still be a sissy.

1. Communicate!

This is such an important thing, i write about it in pretty much everything ive written about. It's very easy to believe that what you want is obvious and intuitive and have the other person have no idea what you want, need, or like. And the frustrating thing about sissies is when they don't get what they want they often just… shut down. In my experience dominating sissies online and in person ive found that if i tell them to do something that seems natural and fun to me and that they haven't expressed a limitation in, they just get all sad faced and disappear or shut down, and then go on to bitch about not being able to find a dom out there. Maybe your dom just doesn't know you don't like spanking, that you have a bad gag reflex and don't like choking on dick, that you don't want to suck his toes, that you don't like being called a dirty fag. You have to tell them.

And i know it kills your buzz to have to explain what you like and that you love the fantasy of wordlessly giving yourself to someone and having them use you relentlessly… but in the specific way you like. And hell, maybe you'll get lucky and find that. But you're much better off if you can communicate it up front. Personally ive found the best thing is to get all your negotiating, explaining, and communicating out of the way early so then you can both comfortably sink into the fantasy and feel good about it. But your top is not going to like doing all the guess work, having to read your mind, and looking at you all whimpery because you aren't getting what you want.

1. Find a way to show you like it!

We all love the idea of being someone's little sex toy, having no choice but to take whatever they give you, having them laugh gleefully at your discomfort, all that supervillain shit. But most people just feel a whole lot better if they know youre into it. Guys often like the idea of you being a desperate cock slob who is dying for a taste of their sweaty member, and the best way to lean into this is to show them you love it… be enthusiastic, make happy sounds, maybe even get vocal and tell them so. Women often really need this feedback. Tell them you love their body, you'd do anything for them, thank them for stooping so low as to touch you, beg them for more. They like feeling wanted, they want to know youre getting what you want.

I recommend working this into your fantasy, dont think of it as something you have to go out of your comfort zone for. After all, you're a sissy slut, arent you? Youre not good for anything other than being used for someone's pleasure? Well it pleasures them to make them feel comfortable, attractive, and desired. Be a full service sissy who takes care of their mind and body. Make your space look nice when you invite them over. Give them that "thank you sir may i have another" spirit.

If you really cant do it in the heat of the moment, go out of your way to tell them after that you had a good time, what you liked about it, and that you want to do it again.

This goes for online play, too. Ive had so many sissies message me over the years asking for advice, wanting to talk, or wanting me to be their sissy mommy. And i gotta tell you, it gets fucking boring when i do my part in asking questions and talking to them and i just get brief boring replies from them. If i ask you "did you wear your cock cage to work today?" I don't want to hear "yes." I want to hear "yes, ive had it on all day, and having it tight between my legs made me think about it all day. I was so worried about it being obvious under my jeans, but feeling so naughty kept making me horny and i felt like i was going to burst out. It was so embarrassing to sit down and pee every time i had to go." Be fuckin thorough. Give them something they want to read. Be a good sissy. Do your job.

1. Lighten up!

Ill admit, i struggle with this one. Its easy to take yourself too seriously as a sub or a sissy. Ive tended towards seeing it all as a terrible curse i was enduring, and that by hooking up with someone i was indulging the dark and evil sinful parts of me. Woe is me. But that’s a drag! And people will read that you’re feeling weird, and your partner will struggle if you seem miserable about things in the heat of play. This goes double for play with actual significant others. Your romantic partner wants to share something fun, sexy, and intimate with you. So you might need to find ways to joke around, to have fun with it, smile, make them feel like youre happy. For a lot of people this kind of play is best served with an air of silliness, a bit of tongue in cheek. That might not be your bag, but find a way to keep a light enjoyable air that makes them know youre having fun.

And recognize that you’re handing yourself over to them for their use. If they choose that they wanna do is embarrass and humiliate you a bit for the fun of it and to get some laughs, that’s up to them. You don’t get to micromanage them by telling them that’s not how you like it; work on your negotiation skills for next time and in the meantime, try loosening up, letting them laugh, and have some fun.

1. Make it personal (sometimes)!

If youre having sex with anonymous dudes sometimes making it personal is a turn off. They dont wanna know your name, they dont wanna think of you as a real person. And as long as youre both on the same page, go for it. But if it is someone youre trying to build something long term with, or your significant other, its important that they know you see them as a human. You arent just a slave for cock, youre a slave for THIS cock. You dont just worship your girlfriend because shes your mistress, you worship your mistress because shes your girlfriend. You should love specific things about their body, their clothes, their personality. You should try to relay why indulging this fetish is important to you, and how meaningful it is to you that they're enjoying it too. And you should get to know them and cater to their specific needs. Which leads right into...

1. Reciprocate!

I think this is where sissies often get the most surprised and confused because it FEELS like providing sexual gratification is exactly what sissies do best! You're a cock loving, ass eating, gaped boi-pussy little fuck toy, of course you reciprocate.

But is that what your partner really wants?

Some people, particularly dudes, will want you to be just that: a cock servicing little bitch. You'll make them happy as can be. But other people, particularly women, need something extra sometimes. So yeah, though it seems to fly in the face of your training, sometimes serving mistress means you've got to be willing to take off that cock cage and fuck her with your miserable little sissy clit.

Even the most hardened dominatrix needs a good fuck once in a while, if not for the penetration then for the physical intimacy. They don't want you to just lie there taking it all the time, they want you to do the work while they kick back and enjoy a little roughness. And if you want to be a good, reciprocating partner-- and you do-- you have to give her what she wants.

You might be thinking "that's what the bulls job is for!" but it's rare to find people who actually want to have multiple partners like that. And even if they do, you might start to lose your value after a while. After all, she can find loads of guys who wanna lie there and take it in the ass. You have to be an indispensable toy for her pleasure.

So try to figure out a style and a headspace that works for you. Im here to tell you that fucking her for her pleasure can easily fit in your headspace. Being collared and leashed and hammering away at her can make her feel good and still make you feel like you're her little toy. Having her ride you while she makes fun of you for being small or coming too close to cumming can give her what she wants and still make you be in your place. Or maybe shes even into making you wear a strap on over your cock cage and fucking her with that so you can avoid sensation while still giving her what she wants.

If all that works, great! But be prepared to really think about what she need and how she needs it, even if that means putting on your big boy pants once in a while. You might just have to pretend you’re a real man and fuck her for her sake. Being a good sissy means making her happy, after all.

1. Sorry

I really hope this doesnt come across like I'm saying sissies are inherently awful. Sissies are great! There are a lot of people who are turned on by sissies and love playing with them, and it's a perfectly fine fetish to have. I mean, I do a lot of it myself. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. And I’ve had loads of partners who have enjoyed sharing it with me, male and female! But I see a lot of posts from people struggling to make it a part of their life and their relationship in a meaningful way, and a lot of people desperately searching for some kind of a dom and having no luck. So I think its critically important that everyone take some time to see the big picture and make sure you arent entirely dehumanizing the top when… they're supposed to be dehumanizing you.

Disagree? Want to add something I forgot? Want to tell your story? Let’s talk about it.