Hello there, everyone. I started my SMBC journey about 2 years ago. I needed time to get finances in order, I wanted to apply for a sabbatical from work so I would have at least a year off work when the baby was born. I was/am supposed to start IUI this summer. But then my dad died in December. He was one of the first people I shared my plan with and he was so supportive. It meant a lot to me for my child to have a wonderful male role model in my dad. He was an incredible father and I knew he would be an amazing grandfather. I also relied on him for a lot of help with house stuff. My mom's health isn't the best and we both discussed that I would need a lot of his help in the early years. But now he's suddenly gone. My mom told me not to give up on my plans, but it just doesn't feel right anymore. I don't have confidence in myself continuing this journey so totally on my own. And I worry about my child and growing up with just my mom and I (I do have a brother, but he lives out of state and has never been supportive of my SMBC plans).

I'm not really sure why I'm posting because I feel like I know the answer to my unasked question: if I'm not 100% sure, then I shouldn't proceed. It's just hard right now dealing with both losses: my dad and the child that will never be.

I'm not sure if anyone else has lost a close supporter like I have and has any words of wisdom or comfort.