I haven't even thought of the dating scene whatsoever. I have to do some work on myself before I can present myself out to the world being in a narcissistic relationship with a woman and not realizing that you're in a narcissistic relationship and then finding out that you are made me completely dumbfounded that I was even letting her do that to me. And it makes me wonder am I still an attractive person I just turned 40 years old and I don't know if my self-esteem is low and I know when I was in the relationship I would get hit on or she would tell me that oh she was really looking at you and I made sure that she knew I was there. I guess when you're in a relationship for so long you didn't see that anymore me personally I didn't I'm a flirty person in general a lot of people think that I'm flirting with their girlfriends or that I'm heading on somebody's wife but that's just how I am in general I was raised right important how to appreciate a woman my past relationship was a nightmare she was abusive and verbally abusive and mentally and emotionally abusive which then turned me into an evil person and I saw the opportunity to get the hell out of that relationship. I have not talked to her and close to 3 weeks now than being with a narcissistic person makes you feel like you're the problem or it's all your fault or I'm the reason why the relationship got down to the reason or why we broke up. The battle with addiction most of my life and I changed my life you know only 4% of drug addicts are able to turn their lives around by a house work for somebody at a good job or own your own companies I was able to own multiple companies own a house raise her children because I ruined anything I had with my son but I'm hopefully hoping that he'll see the changes that I'm making in my life and want to be in my life when that comes in that point in time and I'm not going to push the kid but if he wants me in his life then so be it but this is the part that's carrying me up inside. I've been raising her children since they were infants my daughter I was in her life when she was 6 months old my son I was in his life when he was a year and 8 months old. I still talk to them and tell them how much I love them and that I'm still around and that I'm going to be there for them . But what if she is the type of person that says since you're not with me anymore you can't see my children were her children that's what's eating me up inside and then I wonder down the road is there somebody for me I know there's somebody out there for everyone but then I wonder if I'm still in attractive person. I personally or was a very cocky person growing up and knew that I looked good and knew that I could have any woman if I worked for it but then my self-esteem went out the window and I took anyone for anything that gave me a chance and sometimes attraction was not there but I was attracted to what they were as a person internally how they fought how smart they were all that I didn't care if you were a big woman a skinny woman what color your skin was none of that I only cared if I was attracted to you emotionally and mentally like I said physically it didn't bother me that much I know if I was around a dumb woman I couldn't even give them the time of day I'm very smart and intelligent I love documentaries learning things that you probably won't need in your life but maybe 10 to 15 years down the road you know about it and that knowledge will come to good use that's the type of person I am I grew up on the streets I got kicked out when I was 12 had to teach everything myself like I said I had multiple companies I had a landscaping company a home improvement company a handyman company I eventually got into the marijuana trade and I had a cultivation company where I grew marijuana for cancer patients but I'm lost I'm completely lost right now and I know this isn't for everyone but I'm about to say I just accepted Jesus Christ in my life and for once I feel good about myself like I said it is not easy to get out of a relationship with a narcissistic person because they'll make it sound like everything to your fault so I just want some input with maybe dad's that have been going through the same thing that I'm going through maybe fathers that are raising children that aren't theirs or fathers that are raising children that aren't there's that are or were with a narcissistic woman how did you change what were the small goals in the beginning I get it this is Reddit I'm going to get a whole bunch of assholes telling me stupid s*** but I'm a grown ass man that I know how to ignore that stuff there's haters and ignorant people and evil people all over this world but we're in a positive people are maybe even help me give me some pointers. Sorry that I'm all over the place gentleman