I have not been standing up for myself, as well as have been overly critical of others. I suppose that is not an impossible to see arrangement. I’ve kept myself preoccupied with petty things, fighting little battles, maybe in defiance of the needs beneath, resentful of the desire for validation in any one who wouldn’t supply it for me, resentful of the desire in myself cus i assume I’m not worth validating. I barely realize I’m making that assumption, and it’s just not constructive. Demonizing everything. The fact is that people mostly just want to be seen and heard and valued.

People have the need to be understood, and loved for what they are. I do and everyone, save for the most anomalous and, I’m tempted to say, broken ones, do. Maybe I’ve been so certain I couldn’t be loved for what I am that I took on Kurt’s thing about being hated for what he is rather than loved for what he’s not. And I’ve felt like fine hate me. It’s unfortunate he ended there, though, cus by the time you really embody that notion you’re just a step away from liberation, pretty much. If you’ve overcome the need for external validation, conjure up some love from nothing and you’re a God.

Loving is making sure everyone is heard. Me and the others. Used to be you needed a priest to talk to God, now you need a therapist to explain your mind to you. Same difference, It’s as much nonsense now as it was then. Sure, of course, shamans and sages are cherished, sacred, hands of god, but hands of god are in short supply these days. We must try to create our own. Everyone has the capacity to understand where they need to be, what to do. It takes effort, and the faith to make that effort. A lot of the time we each undermine each others faith without really meaning to, or knowing we are.

I have seen angels. That’s not what it sounds like, they’re not like you think they are. Maybe it would be more accurate to say: “ “I” have “seen” “angels.” “ I’m not making any sense am I. There is so much distance between each of us! That might have bothered me before. Now its okay. If you understand me when I say that its really okay, you might just be okay too. And then there’s no distance at all.