The one thing you don’t want to see on your doorstep is two men with a folded flag. I couldn’t hear the words they said as I stared at the flags and the uniform. He was dead. How could he do this, how could he die on me ? I question as I look at the man , our friend , his brother , holding out the flag.

“Grant what happened” I ask in dismay and grief.

“He got lost” I knew the military has far too many secrets but I had to ask.

“In the sands of time” grant responses with a wince. I bitterly laugh as I say “good one , more bullshit. Go tell your mom that one”. I slammed the door shut and started to weep.

—————————20 years later———————-

“Ma’am , can I help you” the barista asked irritated as i gawked at the man who was walking outside. “No” I said before running after the man. That was my teddy ! But it couldn’t be he didn’t look a day over 20 and I was pushing 40. “Teddy” I cried out as ran smack into him. “Eve” , he asks like he’s seen a ghost and not the other way around. “Yes ?” I just stare at him in amazement not quite sure what to do. His pitch softens as he looks at me and brushes the hair away from my face. “I’ve been waiting 20 years”.

The impossiblity of it all finally hits me. “What , how”. He motions for us to sit down on a park bench and whispers, “I tried to go back … after our fight and got stuck in the future in a time loop. I haven’t been able to leave this day”. Suddenly it feels like yesterday instead of twenty years ago and I sucked back into that horrible memory.

————————-20 years ago————————

We had a beautiful night together. I woke up that morning and lazily kissed him. I was bubbling with excitement to say it. “I love you” I proclaimed loudly and hugged him so close. His body stiffed and turned ice cold. He pushed me away and gets up to grab his clothes. “Have you lost your mind? This isn’t that type of marriage.” His words cut deep and I wanted to cry. Instead I screamed “why did you fuck me then. After all these years , why now?”. He looked like I slapped him and meekly said “Evie , you gave me a home. You had been so sad ….” Tears threatened to spill out as it hit me. This was a pitty fuck. He didn’t come around , he didn’t fall in love. All those little moments where I thought maybe over the years. It was all my mind playing tricks on me but I dared ask “you aren’t in love with me ?” He looks down at the floor but still answers, “My own mother didn’t love me enough to feed me , I can’t be in love with anyone. You know that”. I throw his keys at him and walk to open the front door. “Get out. I’ll mail you the divorce. I’ll watch our dogs when you’re deployed. Now leave”. He gives me one last pleading look before shutting the door and driving off. ————————present——————————— I recoiled away from him. “Doesn’t matter, we are over” I said with venom in my voice and pain in my eyes. “Evie, please. I was scared. I ..” I place my hands over his mouth. “Don’t you even dare. I’m old enough to be your mother now and I don’t know you”. That look if despair that was in them the day I told him I was going to divorce him returned. His gaze steals as he looks at me once more. “I’m not giving up on you or us”. My eyes soften and I cup his jaw gently. “Ray, I can’t fall in love anymore. Once a clock breaks, it’s broken”. There was a somberness and a bitterness to the air as I walked away. I don’t know if I’ll see him again or if he was really lost in time but it doesn’t matter.

I heard once that hearts chose people not place and that’s why people fight to love those so far away. Perhaps that is also the case with time. I loved him in a time when he couldn’t love me and he loves me in a time when I can’t love anyone.