Yes girl,

He would say,

Good girl,

Is all it would take,

Starving for attention that was never mine to have, Needing his validation, please justify me so I know that I made the right plans.

Good girl

Is all it would take,

Yes girl,

Is all he would say,

Manipulation is key here, gaslighting everyday.

"No you are right its all in my head, sorry for hearing you wrong, I will be better I swear, no more questions, I got it from now on, okay."

Yes girl

Is what he said,

Good girl,

It's all it would take.

Placed on a shelf, shhh girl, be a good girl I don't have time for you today.

"Okay! Will you come back?'

Yes girl

Is all he would say,

Door closing on my sanity while he walks away. I am nothing when he doesn't respond. I hate this lonely, I don't exist until I hear him say,

"Good girl, I am back now Yes girl, you get my attention, No not for all day. I have an hour to give you Now climb on top of me and be my good girl while I can get away, yes girl like that, now let me wrap you in my perfect arms, rest your head on my strong shoulders, yes I swear I will keep the bad thoughts away. For maybe 20 minutes more, until I leave. Be happy you get this much time of mine today."

Next week I might even give you half of a day but...I will need you to get on your knees now and beg...

'Now be quiet like a good girl okay." He gets up to leave which makes all the insecure voices ask, "do you still want me like you did that first day?"

Yes girl,

Is all he would say,

I smile then,

Good girl

And that's all it would take.

"Until next time, yes I swear, we can take a trip, just us, make you feel like a real person, validation and attention for 3 entire days."

The three days are up, reality is back, so shh girl, I don't have time for you today, go to the shelf remember? no, don't argue. You are making up that sorrow. Learn to accept better, you are not allowed to feel that way. Don't push me girl..."

Good girl while he walks away

"What about our birthdays?" Can I have just a little time for that day?"

Yes girl,

Is all he did say

Alone in the dark sitting on my shelf like a good girl waiting, I got so pretty, so much time Ii took to get this way.

He is coming, he said he would, he knows how much I need him here to help me celebrate my one and only day. Still no response, checked the door 30 times and even the driveway. No call... no response.... I don't exist anymore. I am nothing. What did I do to be treated this way?. Did he want this to end? Does he enjoy the feelings I can't comprehend? Do I deserve the way he treats me? Seems like I cannot do anything good enough for him, seems to hurt to much to care anymore. I am not a good girl, so many suicidal thoughts take over all day

....

Don't you worry, I did it. Today I chose to walk away.