REDDIT, Nov. 13, 2015 /BRDwire/ -- Shit Reddit Says, B.R.D. ("SRS") today announced that affiliates of the firm have entered into a definitive agreement to acquire a portfolio of bens and user accounts from Circlejerk, M.E.M.E. (CJ) and the entire user base of telecommunications giant Comcast D.P.R.K., as well as the assets and delicious appetizers ("apps") of Applebees, G.E.R.D. (A[LE]). The combined userbase of 23 million acquired by Shit Reddit Says includes approximately £12 billion of loans in securitization vehicles from George Soros and Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka and other legacy karma holdings of polygonjerk, former home of ethics in video game journalism.

A NEW KIND OF MERGER

"Reddit megamergers are one in a million nowadays," said Le New Meme Nice May May Man, Manager of Research and Development for the Reddit Karma Institute. "But this merger featuring dildz is a unique spin on a classic recipe that we think is more delicious than the original!"

The highly competitive bidding process for the Karma holdings was conducted by Stap[le]s and approved by the Federal Trade Commission and Federal Communications Commission. The terms and conditions of the existing subreddits and Comcast data caps will remain unchanged and Comcast Customer Support has engaged SRS's dild servicing arm to continue to enforcing the data caps, ensuring continuity in cirlcejerking for BRDs and redditors alike. However, Comcast customers that exceed the data cap will now be given a coupon for one free appetizer with a minimum purchase of four additional drinks plus an additional $20 on other entrees and apps of equal or lesser value at participating App[le]bees locations.

CIRC[LE]JERKING HELP

Have a question about Reddit Karma? Fret not, App[le]bees has created a Reddit Karma Hotline to help answer perplexed redditors' questions about how to optimize low effort reposts and lazy jokes and bigotry for easy karma. Just call (899) BRD-ALOT from any non-Boost mobile phone to get help on common karma problems.

"Circ[le]jerk is pleased that, after a lengthy and thorough process, Shit Reddit Says has selected Circ[le]jerk and Comcast as the acquirer of this significant portfolio of Reddit Karma," said Socially Awkward Paul, Chairman of Dank Memes. "Circ[le]jerk prides itself on having earned the trust of hallowed institutions such as Comcast regulators across Reddit, who recognize our expertise and significant experience in responsibly managing may mays. Circ[le]jerk is committed to being good stewards of these assets, and to ensuring that they continue to stay out of the hands of the likes of 9gag. This merger with Comcast will help us violate Net Neutrality to DMCA 9gag into the stone age, solidifying our rare pepe holdings strategy."

About Shit Reddit Says®

Founded in Chattanooga, Tennessee, in 1932, Shit Reddit Says® is the oldest social justice warrior cabal on Reddit. More than 80 years later, its dildz are still served fresh, hot off the grill on the iconic round blue brd at more than 350 restaurants in 11 states. Shit Reddit Says' Atlanta-based Dildz Support Center, serves a team of 6,000 employees. For more information, visit /r/ShitRedditSays.

About Circ[le]jerk®

Founded in Chattanooga, Tennessee, in 1932, Circ[le]® is the oldest karma Circ[le]jerk and new may may propigator on Reddit. More than 80 years later, its may mays are still served fresh, hot off the grill on the iconic Le New Meme Nice May May Man placemats at more than 350 restaurants in 11 states. Circ[le]jerk's Atlanta-based Meme Support Center, serves a team of 6,000 employees. For more information, visit /r/Circlejerk.

About Comcast®

Founded in Chattanooga, Tennessee, in 1932, Comcast® is the oldest Internet Service Provider to be called Literally Hitler. More than 80 years later, its data caps are still served limited, hot off the grill on the iconic rapidly increasing monthly bill at more than 350 restaurants in 11 states. Comcast's Atlanta-based Data Cap Support Center, serves a team of 6,000 employees. For more information, visit http://fiber.google.com.

About App[le]bees®

Founded in Chattanooga, Tennessee, in 1932, App[le]bees® is the oldest app-focused restaurant chain on Reddit. More than 80 years later, its apps are still served fresh, hot off the grill on the iconic plain tableware at more than 350 restaurants in 11 states. App[le]bees' Atlanta-based Restaurant Support Center, serves a team of 6,000 employees. For more information, visit http://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/.

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