I'm a virgin and am genuinely confused. I am so fed up after years and years of self help and the facts are I will just never be able to date women and have sex the normal way, its not happening. I have brain damage in the form of CTE and other factors, I am just screwed. I know this after getting rejected so many times, women just sense there is something off about me that is out of my control, my brain is just screwed up. Makes me very upset.

Long story short I am thinking of going to a hooker. The only thing I am afraid of is becoming addicted and dependent on hookers for the rest of my life because I can't afford them, they are expensive nearly charging 400 and hour, that's insane.

What part is addictive? is it the emotional experience? or the experience of touching a beautiful body itself that's addictive?

I just want to enjoy the physical act of touching a naked body because I've never touched a female body in my life.