I'm a solo ethical non-monogamist, struggling with some strange mental changes. I've always been very sexually active and had issues with living alone, now craving it. My sex drive has taken a nose dive over the last year. I can now muster a libido only two or three times a week. I believe this is related to a severe psoriasis outbreak, depression, and a sense of responsibility to get my life better on track before deeply involving another, rather than low T ect. I've also become severely demi. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I'm lonely but makes me wonder if my sex drive will return if I find someone who turns me on enough mentally.

Right now I'm staying with an ex, for the next couple months before she moves. We have occasional sex but she refuses kissing and any cuddling feels very unwelcome. So I'm left longing for a feeling of affection where I know I'm being used. I'm also a sensual sadist and this side of me is very unsatisfied as well. I can find those looking for a quick lay and those looking for LT mono relationships accompanied by a laundry list of social standing requirements. Finding a FWB with more emphasis on friendship and the benefits leaning more toward cuddling seems next to impossible. I'm not slut shaming here, I'm just not the one anymore, and I can't live up to common standards sought in a life partner nor limit myself to monogamy. It almost leaves me fearing female emotion, which is not me.

I was told to check out ace/ grey sexual circles and masos seeking non-sexual relationships. This leaves me with a couple other issues. I learned as soon as I started kink play that I drop hard for about two weeks after playing if the partner isn't otherwise available for intimacy. The other is that, I'm just craving sex less often rather than not at all. I can no longer keep up with an insatiable partner, though it may change with a partner who really turns me on mentally. I'm also in a small rural town in central Kansas. I've been in the local munch group but due to no vehicle, some ex drama (causing me to be limited to the events I can attend) and the group being fairly small, it isn't much help here. I've also never been able to initiate a partner or play partner in person.

So in conclusion, I'm left bewildered by my own mental, emotional, and physical changes after much personal growth since joining the kink and poly world... longing for affection. Not one and dones or sex all night every night, but more than platonic. My own place, netflix and cuddles with some sensual s&m and sex once or twice a week while being free to flirt and smile at whom ever I please, would leave me satisfied.