Hello. In my life, I lack intimate friendships. Ideally I'd like to find a woman to settle down with, but I have not found that person yet. I've made some friends with fellow adults around my age (mid 20's) and we discuss NSFW things. We'll talk about boobs, share boobs, talk about ass, even share adult movies.

It upsets me because in my life, I feel like I have requirements that are different than others. Mentally, I am more sexual and artistic. I talk about libertarianism and sexual freedom, and the art of sex and porn. I have nobody IRL to discuss these things with, and it offers some relief.

It also makes me feel like a total creep. Talking about how much we love breasts, the value of lust, porn, and sex.

Again, we're both adults and I try to keep these friendships limited, but I'm having panic attacks about ass. Am I living ok, or is there something deeply wrong with my desire to discuss adult subjects and have a psyudo-sexual friendship?

Can anyone help me, or give advice? I heard some say it's healthy, and others say it is mentally ill behavior.