To be honest I (m20s) cannot really believe I am writing this post but a friend of mine told me to, so here it goes. I have autism, and for a few other reasons I am very anxious about the topic of s*x, to the point where I cannot even discuss it verbally without nearly throwing up after a couple of words. I have debilitating anxiety when having to talk about it in real life, and this is causing me further worry as I would like to get married one day. I can talk about it via textual communication (such as this, but I need to censor certain words) but in real life I cannot do it.

Some time ago I had a friend who I met on Reddit who agreed to talk to me via voice chat, to give me some exposure therapy and help me try and learn how to do it, however we are not longer friends so she is not a possible avenue for me. My only other friend who knows about my issues would help me, but she is married and does not feel it would be appropriate despite the fact I can barely say 2 words in a half an hour period. She did however tell me to write a post in some s*x positive subreddits, to try and get some advice on how to improve. I did not think it would work, however she insisted and since she scares me a little I am hereby complying.

From an intellectual standpoint, I am s*x positive for the most part (unless there are studies that show something is unhealthy for example) but from an instinctual point of view, I just cannot bear the idea of talking about it. Every time I try and overcome my issues at least a little bit; it always goes wrong, and I end up further increasing my issues and feeling hatred towards s\*x for a while. My autism and lack of experience means I do not really know how best to conduct conversations (via text) so I always end up saying the wrong thing or phrasing something wrong; and then I just get discouraged even more.

My friend suggested I try and find people on the internet willing to talk to me and help me improve (such as on r4r), but unfortunately I have had no luck. I do not really know what to do, haha.

I literally believe that s*x is a gift from God, so therefore must intrinsically be a good thing, even though I cannot rectify that with my feelings.

I cannot afford a s*x therapist or regular one, and even if I could, there are no good ones near me.

I realise this post is very weird, but my friend thinks I am bound to find at least one person willing to give me advise. There is no way I can ever get married in my current state, as much to my annoyance I do actually have a s*x drive. If nothing else I hope this post at least amuses somebody.

Thank you for any advise you can give.