Hello all, First time poster here and want to know the sub's thoughts on if I, or the situation, was sex positive or negative?

I (M30) had a traumatic experience Saturday night when I joined some acquaintances/friends of mine to a Kink Swingers Club.

At first, everything was fine and one of my ENM lady friends confessed that she was attracted to me and was getting touchy as we went through the club. They had whiskey shots and all got tipsy, then we went to a public room and the women in the group started playing with each other. It was then that I felt a sick pit in my stomach and began to gain very negative thoughts about them. I was also just bored, left cold, and very unaroused.

As they continued and began to flog each other while I tried to not look, I got up and began to get some air. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the lady friends was now in missionary with the lead flogger. I felt left out as they never wanted to ask or signal to include me. I felt frozen and didn't ask for permission to join them, possibly due to shyness or how it happened all of a sudden.

I left and disowned these "friends", as I told one of them before going, that this scene/lifestyle is not for me and seems to be something for people that, at the time, were uglier in nature, than my vanilla friends. I can't get images of them and the horrible feelings I felt out of my head this weekend.

I've been to a swingers club with a former friend before, and had a similar reaction, but they were also new to it with me and I chalked it up to the club being uncomfortable with smoking allowed.

I'm sorry if this is something that makes me dense or naive, but I guess the reason I went was to try and fulfill lonely feelings in my life. I've found that finding intimacy instead easy unfulfilling sex is tough for someone with a repressed upbringing and ASD.

Thank you for reading, if you made it through this! I am just looking for constructive criticism and want to know how to not freeze in more comfortable situations?