I've only ever had sex with AFAB and feminine persons so my descriptions will be centered on those experiences. I would greatly appreciate any advice and critiques! I earnestly want to maximize a person's experience and to ensure I am missing nothing to ensure consent is there throughout the entire encounter. I try to be conscious of my weaknesses in communication as a person on the spectrum. I'm very passionate about being a good sexual partner and I aim to be the best I can be generally (I'm aware compatibility, chemistry, and things generally outside of my control are often the biggest things that matter but I like to focus on where I can improve). I like to visit this subreddit from time to time for research. I also read the FAQ from the sex subreddit and while I am familiar with most of what it had to say, I REALLY loved the "ask you prefer sex to be sensory focused or orgasm focused". I know that's going to be a game changer. I am already confident as a sexual partner but I want to go even further beyond. I feel there's still a lot for me to learn so any advice, criticisms or important questions about things I forget to mention that you think would make a difference depending on the answer is totally welcome.

Sex, I believe, starts before the bedroom. The first thing I do when a person expresses interest in having sex or offers to hookup for the first time is get to know them better and/or ask them to go out somewhere with me. They're already comfortable enough to want to have sex with me, but I like to establish as much of it as possible before sex. A person being even slightly more comfortable with me, from my perspective, improves the quality of sex that much and if they end up being uncomfortable and leaving, I am happy with that as well. The idea of hurting someone who I am intimate with horrifies me so I'd rather have no sex than sex someone would end up regretting. I want to ensure my partner feels safe, comfortable, and cared for as part of my checklist.

Second, I ensure my personal hygiene. It includes trimming and shaving as I like throughout my body. I also clean and trim my nails, brush my teeth even if I did so in the morning, floss, mouthwash and shower (practically my morning and evening routine repeated) and maybe get a haircut.

Third, during the time we spend getting to know each other better, I like to find out about their life, their day, where they are mentally, what helps them relax, what helps them feel safe and comfortable, their boundaries, house rules, favorite positions, what made the best sex of their life the best, any kinks, if they like toys, and what they like to do before and after sex. I also express those things as they apply to me. Anything we don't get to, I address before initiating foreplay. If I were to sense they are quite uncomfortable, I would ask them about it. If I am given an answer that indicates they are uncomfortable due to my presence in particular or with the idea of progressing towards a sexual encounter, that's the end of it and the progress stops there.

From here on out, I emphasize these are things I generally do and they are obviously overridden by what I learned from them while going out or taking with them.

Fourth, we go to a place whether it's theirs, mine or a hotel. If it's theirs, I attempt to make myself comfortable within the pre-established house rules. I know your place doesn't feel like your own place when a guest is there, so I make myself comfortable; I feel that one person being on edge or uncomfortable often has effects on the other person. I also behave in a way that helps them feel safe based on what they told me.

At my place, I like to keep clean towels, wash clothes, refreshments, condoms and recently cleaned toys that can be re-used(paddles) or used with a condom. I like to clean them if there is even a chance I am having sex with someone even if they haven't been used since last washing them(I wash after every use). In addition, I keep vaginal sanitary products in case a sudden period happens. If I know it's going to be at their place or if I am uncertain, I keep the toys, condoms and sanitary products in a bag to carry with me.

Penultimate step is foreplay and sex which, to me, feels very seamless as if the two form one massive step. The experience I aim to share with the other person is a journey. It honestly doesn't do much for me but it seems to mean a lot for the demographic I tend to sleep with. I mentally, emotionally and spiritually enjoy pleasuring my partner(s) and I emotionally, mentally but mostly physically enjoy sex. It happens to work hand-in-hand with giving my partner what they want. I love to suck on the neck, while running my hands throughout their body, gently biting and tugging on the bottom lip and earlobes. When kissing, I prefer a lot of tongue but I match whatever my partner is giving to me as that is usually what they prefer. I ask if I can take off their shirt and pants and if they say yes, this is where I like to commence teasing. The beginning is very nipple focus before I go downwards. My teasing includes very lightly brushing my finger against their nipples, blow air onto it, licking around the aroela while avoiding the nipple and occasional light kisses on the nipple itself. I then start sucking and very gently using my teeth to massage one nipple while I massage the other between my fingers and alternating based on how they react to my touch. My free hand runs down their sides and I like to gently brush my (trimmed and smoothed) nails against their sides as well as their back. After a while, I ask if I can take of their underwear and give cunnilingus and if they say yes, I continue go down and this is where I tend to become extra-sensitive to how a person reacts. Generally, I focus on the clitoris while not trying to make it have exclusive attention. I am aware that the clitoris isn't just the bulb so often I press where the rest of it would be from the outside with my fingers(This generally doesn't work to well from my experience). I like to ask if they would like me to insert any fingers and how many then occasionally ask if they would like more or for me to go faster or slower. I especially ask this if I notice they are reacting less to my touch. While going down on them, I express my moans of delight at how they taste and I like to do so a way that maximizes the vibrations that comes from my throat to stimulate the clitoris that way. I occasionally rub my free hands down their thighs as I do so.

I treat the clitoris as a small penis head since it's a homologous equivalents. Sucking on it, lots of tongue, and aiming for a variety of strokes. Teasing normally is nearly the same as I do to the nipples. I also play with the breasts with my hand while I'm down there and talk about how I enjoy their taste or how good my fingers feel inside them (if I genuinely feel that way). I adjust what I do based on how they react and I try to find out what I can do that stimulates them the best. It's not very formulaic when I do so but if I had to rely on a formula, I would try 5 different strokes, if they react the most to one, choose that to add to "best set" then make 5 more variants of the one you just did, choose the best to add to the "best set", and repeat until you get 5-10 different strokes or until all 5 of the current strokes are less stimulating than any of the others from the previous set then go backwards and form variants of the 2nd best then continue that route until you have the amount you want on your best set. Then use and alternate betwen what's in the best set to find the most stimulating order to perform the strokes. I know it's hilarious but I assure you that I don't actually perform this algorithm; it just vaguely describes how I operate. If I get the sense that they aren't approaching orgasm or are not reacting as much, I ask if they want it include toys and their toys would take precedent over mine. After at least one (I am HORRIBLE at being able to tell when someone orgasms. By the time I ask "are you approaching orgasm?", I shit you not nearly every time they say they already had between 3-6. I am THAT bad. I want to do edge play so this is actually frustrating).

After I ask if they're satisfied with how many orgasms they have, I like to go back to the nipples for a small bit before asking if they would like to have sex with me. If they say yes, I slowly penetrate and really I just thrust and act based on how they describe they like it. My hands and arms are active throughout. During certain times, I may hug them and/or run my hands through their sides and back while thrusting. I tend to suck on the neck during and rub my hands through their hair. I often look into their eyes and become mesmerized at how beautiful they are resulting in me going into hyperfocus. It continues until they or both of us are satisfied and depending on how we are feeling, we may continue with other things.

Last is follow-up and aftercare. I ask them how they felt, if they enjoyed themselves, what they like and didn't like, if they're interested in seeing me again, and I do what I can to help them feel cared for.

I would greatly appreciate even the smallest insight. It can be important aspects for an optimal mindset that I may need to add, it can be things that you wish your partners did that you didn't see me mention, it could be questions, or it could be a criticism of what I do. I genuinely want to improve and as long as you aren't being insulting, I am readily willing to accept what y'all have to say.

tl;dr: I like to establish comfort by going out and/or speaking with them regarding how they feel generally. I like to ask things that can make for them having a comfortable, safe and enjoyable experience during this. I also like to treat sex like a small journey both of us are embarking on, I like to focus on both giving a sensory experience and building orgasmic pleasure, I like to guarantee at least one orgasm before possibly penetrating then I engage in a full body experience with another person.