I've always been into sports since I was a kid and I got depressed when COVID hit. When I was depressed, I coped with a crippling masturbation addiction. At one point I have erectile dysfunction and would masturbate while soft. It would hurt to pee sometimes too. I did all of this to just cope with life. Fast forward to senior year where I started up sports again and I started going to the gym again. I was super horny and lost my first ever gf and I fucked up because I loved her but I couldn't control my lust. Even prior to that, I may have gotten over my depression, but I didn't get over my self hate, self loathing, and my self sabotaging. Now I'm in university and I can't deal with stress. Wheneve I fight with my parents, I have a bad grade, or even if I just encounter any form of stress, I have to have sex. So I resorted to prostitutes. I lost my virginity at 17 to a prostitute because I didn't want to hurt anyone like I did my first gf. I've been seeing prostitutes for a year now and I've wasted about 20k on them. I feel ashamed and disgusted everytime I do, but I just need an escape from reality. Nothing is enjoyable anymore, nothing is fun anymore, nothing puts me at peace aside from being asleep. I just buy a prostitute, have a moment where life is tolerable as I ecstacy, and then reality sinks in and I'm shouldered with the weight of my sins. I am ashamed and want to do better but everytime anything happens, I feel an innate desire to have sex. It's how I've coped since 12 years old and now I don't even feel pleasure, just a brief moment of difference where I fool myself into believing I've escaped this world. I don't want to waste my money on them anymore, I don't want to have sex anymore, and I don't want to waste my life anymore. I just don't know how I can overcome this addiction. It's like a need I have that just can't be satiated no matter how many times I have sex. I just need help but I don't know where to start. I've thought about seeing a therapist or going to an SAA meeting but I don't know what they'll think of me if I say I'm 18 and pay for prostitutes and I am scared that either my job, university, or future will be compromised if I admit that I buy escorts. I need help so please guide me.