TLDR: I am having So many thoughts, I think sex will help. In days, weeks hours after it doesn’t help

I am writing a rant because i feel i have to, I have been using taimi and other spankbang and other porn to fufil a stretch in my body. I am seriously considering finding another way.

How do I find a way to manage stress and anxiety when a workout isn’t helping. In quite certain that food is the priority to help me. I have a dad that is continually stocking fridge with milk cookies etc (higher fats) simple carbs. In college i had control over the foods. Overall im scared to spech with the people in my house. and it is because they are scary. And also I jerkoff because i feel like its a punishment to myself the same feeling i go to the taimi app and get the euporiah of sex.

Idk what i am saying I am also a wanna be game player. But i recently can’t win. Also i can’t speak in the room i am in after 11pm because my sister would rage.

Summary: i result to masterbation in/all sex toy and lube and dildo and anal and ass and masterbait hand and toy flesh. i do this because i am scared of using no masterbation. I use sex and masterbation as a defense mechanism to shadow, and scare my energy. to then show others i am no or not a threat to. the core family.

Any help? i doubt this makes sense

—————————— Random ranting ⬇️

I am overwhelmed with everyone elses thought. i can’t be myself.

:(

my mom is a rude person, she curses in majority of her sentences. sometimes she isnt when she has a sentimental feeling.

I have a therapist and she says its a good thing i am having sex. Shes not understanding. Shes kind of rude also

Being home I am scared, to eat food at night or in the morning. I am also in fear if my sister being in my way at night. I think gets in my way, she moves cups and stuff from the bathroom when i use it drink water. she took alot of stuff out of closet threaten to beat the shit out of me (idk why she is so agro) i am also incentively intrigued to keep my room to myself and not bring things out the room because i get yelled at otherwise

I feel like i have a large body, and i am failing myself. My body my mind. i feel like i am to small for my body. Idk. I am writing random stuff.

Seriously, i usually not a poster on the webs of the net of internet. So, I recently. I mean for the past 3-4 years have been on a taimi dating app. And i used to go to the others, banned for explicity. Any way. I have had sex with around more than a handful of people on the app now, and I am seriously rather sad. or rather unpleased with my effort. I am on these apps day after night and day. I am so scared that i am not connecting with people. This is one way to have a good sex.