I have found some of the reasons why i went to porn and why i have kept going back tie and time again sometime looking back makes my life flow in an easer way and things that iv not mentioned befor come to the surface

I feel that my porn use stems from loneliness i never really had many friends growing up never even dated till i was 18 and then it was to a girl ( i am gay ) so even then i was not happy in a relationship but at the time i did not fully know why ( i denied my true sexuality for years till till i was 20 and that's a whole embarrassing story for another time maybe) well after that relationship i moved 300 miles with family and had to try and start friendships again which being the odd and strange i found it difficult so ended up on gay dating site for NSA and well that was risky if im honest and well when that did not happen as well as i hoped at the time my porn use which stared at around 12 -13 got worse more and more being in college at the time in my last year of it i was on porn well a lot.

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about 22 i finasly found a job that i could do as i also have a disability yet again though i was the odd ball so when not at work i was on porn till i found someone i considered the love of my life i ll call him L.

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Well L did not mind my disability my physical deformity on my face he was wonderful and my porn levels dropped i was hardly ever on it. we broke up after about 2 years i was distraught but by then with L help i was able to make friends for me which was nice as i had people friend to go to

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My next big relationship was S.

me and S where together for 5 years he almost moved in till we had a argument over text and he said to me " if this is to get me to say i love you i will brake your Fing legs" he hardly told me he loved me tbh he hardly showed me and affection i feel that i was with him as i did not deserve any one better he was in all honesty nasty to me.

after that it was another year till i was let go from my job i sprieled in to deppresion and spent 2 years hitting porn hard and getting lost in to dark dark things i wont say what but its stuff i am not in to i just goit lost and well iv been in and out of porn since

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Iv lost all my friends all but 4 members of my family talk to me and i am frightend 24/7 and thats where i am now fighting porn going back and forth back and forth back and forth

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So as i said the reasons are

1. loneliness
2. Isolation
3. Being disabled
4. Feeling worthless
5. Feeling angry
6. sad

and porn was my drag is my drug im only 8 days in it will always be calling me i need to have the strength to fight it to fight the call of what it gave me for a very short time each time what felt like happiness

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I know having the support of you all and the support of a Faith i have found i hope i wish i can fight my porn.