I've been numb all my puberty life traumatized from self-pleasure. It was and is an open door for the monsters to come in. Monsters of my own mess too big and scary I couldn't handle once all my emotional and bodily functions got placed out of sync. The knocking on the walls reminded me every day of what I wasn't. Monsters that haunted me that I became a stranger to. I know I hold the power to make myself sick and bring down my immune system from stress alone, I am a fighter and refuse to take a tumble. What I'm fighting is the toughest enemy yet; my own ego and it has been my own power that has been keeping me a prisoner. Loving others has not been easy anymore and I don't want to stay on this planet forever to just hurt others. I have mental issues in the dark and sex the taboo didn't help. My mental clarity came crashing down after feeling the guilt of hairy hands and I always would tell myself to keep going no matter because it's only a transitive.

I've wanted to become beautiful and not grow up. I never had much time on my hands to grow up, being always down in the dumps, always getting back on my feet when I failed. My mind began to split in pieces and found some friends from my own untold strength of mine as I looked to them for help. I found my mental muscle to work on my clarity to not always make a crisis of everything. I became this beautiful child who is helping heal the world.