I’ve been “in recovery” for the last 8 years, never holding sobriety for longer than a few weeks. Usually engaging in activities that I wouldn’t want anyone I knew to know. Taking advantage to my benefit at every opportunity that presented itself.

For the last couple of months, I been sleeping with a woman I used to work with, who subsequently, is an addict herself. My inner addict is in love, with a woman I could never rely on or trust. There has already been an instance where she had unprotected sex that led to us needing to be tested. We are both married so there is one complication, we both have children, we are both actively seeking to get out of our marriages; Finally, we are both sex addicts.

No one knows on my end about us, she told someone on her end who more than likely told others. I really don’t mind, but, as an addict, perception is everything.

Being married with children is the hard part, lately I’ve been choosing her over my family. She’s only been available because she got kicked out of her house in a divorce battle. Clearly neither one of us are in the right state of mind to be so irresponsible. I will say this has been the most tempted I have ever been in my entire life. She makes me feel like a man and I know it’s “only for now” (as she says), but I think I might also be a love addict. I never wanted to be confused as one especially when I would need to attend one of their meetings, however; taking a step back now, I am realizing I’m easy “falling” for these women for no reason other than me getting off.

I know I should quit her, it’s so hard…

Wanting her attention makes me feel so desperate, all while I actively avoid my own wife’s affection. I am in constant turmoil with myself, unable to focus on important items like work and family. She tells me she likes me and lets me see her pretty often, but, I know of at least two other dudes who have been with her pretty recently. I know what I should do, my addiction hangs on the what if or a possibility. I am so mentally exhausted from all this I choose to engage with people as little as possible.

All I know is that if I had the opportunity to see her and she said yes or asked first, I know I would be there. As much as I “love” it, I know it shouldn’t exist to begin with. It’s only to my detriment anyhow, “spending time” with her, sleeping with her, relying on her for comfort will only come at a price in the end. I am not sure what that price is going to be but I know it will be hefty.

How do I quit her?