TLDR should I let a much older guy fuck me because i can't stop my sex addiction? At that point my intrusive thoughts and unstatified urges are ruining my life

I'm 24f and I have sec addiction. In short i though i was asexual, but when I was 22 i got sexual assaulted and almost raped by a male friend. After that i started to experience extreme sexual urges and I started having weird rape fantasies. It led to trying out BDSM and lots of stuff and to my first relationship. The relationship was very bad and toxic. That guy just used me. I cut him off and we don't talk anymore or see each other. So i didn't have sex in a very long time. I think about it all the time and my thoughts get only more weirder and pervy with time. I can't hold it anymore. I very badly need it. I can't concentrate on anything. My work and personal life stuffers from it. I'm just constantly horny and spend to much time to jerk off. I hate it. I even have insomnia because of it. I'm very lonely so i talk a lot to stranger online. The last few weeks where extreme. My addiction is controlling me and I started trying to find someone to take care of it. It doesn't just involve sex but lots of fetishes. For some reason i want to be very violently threatened. A few days ago i found a 40 year old guy, who is very willing to participate in my perverted fantasies. A part of me really badly wants it and needs it, i was anyways who started asking him for that, the other part of me hates it and ist accepting it. I don't know what to do. It feels like the wrong thing to do, but I can't control myself anymore