Hi, it's taken me an incredibly long time to admit that I have a problem, and I'm hoping posting here will solidify this.

Nearly every moment I've been alone in the 10 years of my marriage has been spent in adult chat rooms, on dating sites/apps, or communicating/coordinating with people I've met in those places in hopes of a sexual encounter. I sit for hours refreshing my burner gmail account in hopes that whoever I'm currently talking to (or pestering in some cases) will respond, or post the same soliciting message over and over in a chat room for hours and hours. I've had runs that have been focused on phone sex or cam play, and have joylessly been many things to many people as required, whatever results in some explicit exchange.

It goes back much, much further than my marriage, but that's been the most intense/painful period.

I've met with people, occasionally going through with whatever we arranged to do, but have somehow convinced myself in the forefront of my mind that I haven't done anything. When I sit back and really think/remember it all, it's shocking and appalling. And when I think about all of the time wasted in my life -- probably a quarter of my life if you count time spent looking at pornography -- I get very upset.

I have a newborn child now, and I want to be fully available for them. I want to be faithful to my wife, I want to live the best life I can, I don't want to waste any more time refreshing pages and seeking joyless sex, and I don't want to be a slave to this addiction any more.

Thanks for reading, this was nerve-racking.