I'm debating if I'm going to be going to my in person SAA meeting this week. I'm not sure if it's really helping me or if I need a higher lvl of help.

During the meeting I sit there and listen. I can relate to thier struggles. After the meeting we go get food at a diner. I'm homeless and it's hard to be able to afford the food there. It's nice to go anyways and chat after but I feel like I'm out of place because I'm still not sober and I don't feel comfortable sharing that with them. I tried to go on a date and ended up completely fumbling the play. I slept with my date, on the first date. When I tried to keep the romantic energy going, I was basically told that all this would ever amount to friendship but was offered to keep hooking up with this person. I got so mad when they texted that to me. We talked about intentions beforehand and this person knew that I'm in recovery and still let me spiral because they got something out of it knowing that they weren't interested in anything deeper than NSA. It's not on them to keep that boundary so at the end of the day I do blame myself for it. I just wanted to feel good and I felt safe with this person. Now I just feel used and stupid for thinking that things would be any different. I would like to have a relationship. I put myself out there to find someone and fucked it all up. That disappointed and frustrated feeling was so familiar it makes me question what's the point in even trying to change. Im too new to my meetings to dump all this on them.