So give some context, I'm 36 m and from the UK, my childhood was bad to say the least. No sexual abuse but plenty of physical and mental abuse from both parents.

As I reached my teens id already seen and done too much. I have a really unhealthy approach to relationships and sex. After doing research turns out i have a sex and love addiction, i just thought my constant need for validation from the opposite sex was just the normal thing to do, however I increasingly started looking for sex and intimacy in all the wrong places. Every relationship has been the same, i meet someone, get really attached and then start scowling the internet or dating sites for sexual based conversions.

I hate myself for it, bur honestly cant stop. My current partner of 2 years knows about my addiction (30f) bur every time i fuck up she hates me a little more. I fell asleep downstairs and she checked my phone and saw conversations on twitter. She basically said she is going to leave me and im actually devastated.

Thing is I actually dont want to be having these conversations and luckily I haven't acted out on any of them irl but whenever I feel down or rejected its my go to. I dont want to do this anymore but dont know how to stop.

I really do love her and hate myself for keep on putting her through this. Im too ashamed to speak to anyone about it and the guilt is constant.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated because im really struggling here