Re: this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/SexAddiction/comments/109z06w/why_not_end_my_fiances_suffering/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I just want to thank everyone that was a help in me not deciding on something stupid instead of taking on program as I always should have.

I spent 10 years trying to succeed in program, half-assing everything, rushing the steps, and most of all, lying to myself, my program brothers and sisters, my family, and my partner about my sobriety. I lived about 10 years going through countless cycles of relapses all while lying about every single one of them, telling everyone that I was such and such many months/years sober. I took sobriety chips that I did not deserve. I even did a first step presentation in one of my meetings where I practically lied about having been months sober.

Since my last discovery, I finally gathered up the courage to unleash my secret to my partner, my program friends, and my therapist and I've never ever felt such clarity of my mind in my life before. Rigorous honesty. Fearlessness. Absolutely vital tools I ignored for much too long. The slightest lie I kept secret would strengthen my addict to carry bigger lies with no remorse. I became a master at compartmentalizing the addict behaviors and secrets and my real life feelings and interactions, while in between those times, reflecting on the guilt of what I knew. That I was being dishonest about my recovery.

It haunted me and ate away at my soul for nearly a decade and having finally released this truth to my therapist, my program friends, and my partner has opened a true road to real recovery.

At long last I am committing to program with an amazing sponsor (I just met with him for the first time today), and have started working on step-work without carrying any burden of a single lie about my recovery. I can't say that this is it. I know the fault in believing in a magic pill. I just know that doing the work works. So I will work it because I am worth it. With rigorous, but kind, honesty, fearlessness, and surrender, I am very grateful to be in this head space to begin true recovery. I am grateful for you all. Thank you.