TW, obviously.

Having a lot of mixed emotions, but mostly grief—and some confusion about that grief. Two years ago, I had a pretty impulsive suicide attempt following a bad fight with my ex and ultimately landed in an inpatient psychiatric hospital for a little while (good choice). I’m lucky I was unsuccessful, I’m lucky I’m out of that relationship, and I’m lucky I was able to get help.

But I’m still just so sad and sometimes I have a hard time forgiving myself for the attempt and other times I have a hard time seeing the point in taking the kind of care of myself required to live a long life because it feels wayyy toooo loooong. I have a lot of tools now to handle immediate crisis, but maybe I haven’t really processed all this and I’m wondering if anyone else has ever gone through something similar or has felt like this before?

Why do I feel so much grief if I’m supposed to feel so glad to be alive?