Therapy has personally changed my life for the better. It is something I’m very committed to and take seriously. Like anything else, it’s a routine part of my life and my anxiety/depression is completely different than it was years ago. I’m a big advocate.

But I find that when I give this advice, it just falls flat. Like when friends are talking about very deep and complicated self issues I genuinely believe therapy COULD help with, I find this advice unhelpful. Let’s be clear: I don’t just say it all the time. It’s more when I asked to weigh in for advice or feedback. I try to be respectful of boundaries and listen when appropriate or give advice when asked.

For starters, it’s a privilege. I’m lucky I can afford my therapist. I used to go weekly and now I’m a floater. But it feels wrong to just say “omg spend $100 a week on therapy it’s great!” When that may not be feasible.

Second, I don’t think the process works if someone isn’t committed to it. Some people just go and say it’s not for me after one session and move on. So of course they’re not going to feel the benefits of deep work by going one or two times, and not really opening up.

Lastly, there are a lot of bad therapists out there. It’s hard to find one in the first place but then finding one that sucks…can make it worse. I had a very bad therapist once and it almost turned me off to the whole process. It definitely makes things worse. Luckily I have someone I love now, but again it was luck. It’s a lot to ask someone to “shop around” when opening up to anyone is difficult.

So what do you suggest? How else can you support a friend that’s not simply “go to therapy” if that’s not the right solution for any number of reasons? How do you show up for friends that are experiencing depression or anxiety aside from listening? What do you say when they want more from you but you don’t feel comfortable “pretending” to play therapist for them? I love my friends and want to show up the best way possible.

Thanks for listening.