(Sorry if this is a little all over the place.) I’ve started getting chest pains from loneliness/ sadness. For example, there’s this girl who I sit across from in my English class who I have a massive crush on, but every time I look over at her (which I do frequently because she’s so pretty) I get tingly pains in my chest and a sinking feeling because I know I don’t have a chance with her. Unfortunately I’m someone who’s been shown so little attention throughout my life that anytime a girl so much as glances at me, I’m already imagining a future with her. Much less the fact that not only does she glance at me, we actually talk and joke during class. I know that she’s just being friendly, but I just can’t stop thinking about her and it’s killing me. Like I’m in tears typing this because I know that she’d never see me as anything more than a loose acquaintance. This literally happens every time I sit next to a girl in class. It just sucks. Anyway, I’ve also been hitting myself more frequently, like punching myself in the face on side of the head to the point I have fairly noticeable bruises. And it’s not even from really crazy stuff, like last night when I last did it, the reason was because I lost a bag of my adhd meds. Thats it. But I was just so angry for some reason. Like deep firey anger, and all I could think to do was to hit myself, as punishment or to get out frustration I guess. After that I went to the gym and ran the treadmill til I couldn’t anymore and that helped. I feel so angry and bitter and sad all the time. It’s like I have a grey cloud of loneliness above my head at all times.