we had an old cat growing up named tuna. He was 16 or 17 and had a long and happy life, but was really deteriorating. My mom did not want him put down as it was her cat,and she seemed to be in denial about how decrepitant near death this cat was. One day she comes home from the store and my dad call me, tells her that he found tuna dead under a tree in the sun. She was happy he died peacefully and on his own terms. What she doesn't know is that she actually ran him over as she was leaving for the store. She obviously didn't feel him under the tire, but my mom killed her cat, and we all lied about him dying in his sleep.

Best friend told me how much he hated his girlfriend and that in two weeks when he completed his move, he was going to break it off. He died the next morning. She'll never know how unhappy she made him.

that I absolutely hate my wife's special casserole. I stomach it down with a smile because she and our kids love it.

in Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it's called to scare the eggs. One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to scare the Eggs. So little Joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled, Bo! My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She's come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really scare the eggs. Truth is, I knew what scaring an egg meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place in time back then. It's made her laugh for over 20 years. That means it's the best joke I've ever pulled off. And I'd die before I'd let her find out I was just kidding.

Riding in the car with one of my best friends, he suddenly has a very distressed look on his face and frantically starts stuttering about needing to find a restroom. I will never forget the sound, not 10 seconds later, of him shitting himself in the driver seat.I laughed my ass off all the way back to his house. I promised I'd never tell anyone.

When I was 15, I was walking through the woods and saw my principal having a toss off session under the trees. No one would have believed me, so I said nothing. But god damn it, Mr. McCann, I know what you do in your spare time.

I got my cousin pregnant, but she had a miscarriage. We haven't told anyone, nor will we ever.

Junior year of high school, my class Was registering for next year's classes, so they brought us down to the computer lab, but there weren't enough computers for everyone. Knowing one of the counselors very well, she has me use the instructor computer at the front of the room. Well, just so happened that another counselor was logged into that computer, so full permissions. So, in addition to registering for next year's classes, A couple of my b's turned to A's from past classes. A few months later, I barely beat out a good friend for a scholarship because my GPA was slightly higher.