Captains Log - Jan 20, 1467

Cap. Slap of the Maidens Blade.

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Reaching into the chest I run my fingers through the treasure. Doubloons, gems, and varying trinkets sift through my fingers until I catch another necklace. Carefully I pull it out of the chest. The excess treasure spills off of the necklace as it rises above the precious metals. I put it around my neck making sure not to catch the first, or second crown stacked atop my head. The weight of 10 or so necklaces a couple crowns, and 12 rings really starts to add up, but for the sake of Vanity I fight through the pain. I look around at the 6 open chests for what I can wear next when I spy a villainous skull. I pick it up and strike a few poses in-front of the mirror in the cabin. Haha! "These guilded maps are IT!" I shout. "SO glad Dukes back."

Snapping out of the goldlust, It hits me that I better sell this and quick if my efforts are to be rewarded. The adrenaline spike of being filthy rich soon turns to despair and worry as I try to figure out how to safely transport this loot. Then something catches my eye out the Starboard porthole... something glistening on the shore of the nearby Cay. "I've got time for one more thing..." Debating with myself if I should wear this jewelry to go get that item on the beach or not, I hear a loud thump on the deck of the ship. "Those damn Seagulls... they better not tear a hole in my sails again!!" Jingling all the way up the stairs I get above deck and there they are.

3 Pirates sifting through the treasure I didn't manage to get downstairs yet. One pirate is older, graying hair and well dressed, one younger and dressed in all black, and the third a portly fella with more tattoos than I've ever seen in one place. I'm about to speak up when the older fella notices me and greats me:

"Oh, hey. This your ship? Nice ship it is. So uh... we're going to take all your stuff. Hope you don't mind" He says.

"Don't mind?!" I reply "Of course I MIND! IT'S MINE!" I think about reaching for my Cutlass and the old guy says again:

"Oh, now don't do that... wow that stuff your wearing is nice... OH, sorry. Ahem..." He clears his throat after being distracted. "...Don't do anything stupid. This is a robbery. We just want to take your stuff, not hurt you." He says. "If we Kill you, the ferryman brings you right back here and then we'll kill you again.. it's messy really. I'd rather avoid that if I can."

The skinny one in all black brings up the last crate not bolted down from down below. A wood crate... nearly full.

"Ah now comeon... Not my wood crate, My NaNa gave me that crate. It's been in the family for decades." I complain as the old man stops the man in black.

The old man catches Blacks arm and says, "We don't need that crate, we have 5 more on board. Leave it here for the boy"

"Look we takin the crate. It's about sending a message and we gonna send it. We got a reputation to keep and this is how we do it!" Replies the man in black as he takes the crate to his ship.

"Oh, Great. Now your just taking my stuff just to take it... you don't even need it. Everything I have is empty now." I go below deck and come back up in a moment, "YOU EVEN TOOK MY MEG MEAT!?"

The old man walks over to me and puts his arm around me as we walk around the deck "Look son, I've been doing this a long time. Sometimes there are days that just don't go your way... but today is not that day." He waves over the portly fella carrying a sack. He plops it down in front of me an walks off. "I'll let you keep what your wearing, a couple skulls, and whatever is left on this lil' island over here. Oh and take this sack. We felt bad about taking your NaNa's crate so we brought back some wood and a chunk of the meg meat... It's the least we can do."

Stunned I sit there and try to assess what is happening. The old man slaps me on the back and says "This was fun.. and, uh... We're sorry about your stuff. It was fun for us at least.. well uh... I'm not got at goodbyes... Sorry Slaptac." The man in black walks up to me and sticks his hand out as if to shake hands. Confused and bewildered, I accept his hand and he gives it a firm shake. In the shake I feel a prick on my palm I pull back to see some blood on my hand and the man in black licking it off his knife.. "Just as I thought it tastes" as he walks off. The portly fella comes over, tears welling up in his eyes and he grabs me in one of the biggest bear hugs I've ever had. He sobs into my ear "I don't like this anymore than you do!" I give him a pat on the back and he releases me. Wiping his nose he makes his way back to his ship.

"Look son We have to blow a hole in your ship as we're sailing off... you know for appearances. Fix it with the wood we left you!" says the old man.

"Who are you guys?!" I yell as they begin to pull away.

The old man walks to the back of the ship, holds up his megaphone and shouts "Big Dick McDank and crew. SORRY ABOUT YOUR STUFF AGAIN!"

A single cannonball erupts from the deck of the brig as it sails off. It rips through my port-side hull and I begin to hear the water pouring in. What... in the world I think to myself.. I repair the hull and shovel the water out.. as I do, I notice my map.. Big Dick left his mark...

"Heh... I'll never forget the day I was robbed by Big Dick McDank.. that is for sure!"

Big Dick's calling card.

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IRL: Got robbed by a crew, so I "woe is me" so hard that they started to feel bad and gave me some stuff back. I got about 10 sorrys from them by the time it was over and even got a message from one of em..

Was a 9/10

Previous Logs:

• Vol.1 Booty
• Vol.2 The Flying Dutchman
• Vol.3 Fishing.